I remember in the early stages of my relationship with Kelly (my GF) we would go on long weekend trips away and have the most magical time ever. We would de-stress from work, have cocktails, go out to nice dinners, and just enjoy each other's company. However, we would come back on Monday and head to work.
I would go straight to full on work mode and totally focus on work. I wouldn't message her, call her, or really do anything because I was so focused on work.
If she didn't hear from me for a day or two it would drive her bonkers. She would be thinking, "WTF! We just had this magical weekend together, got so close to each other, and now that we are back into town Mike goes MIA. Why do men do this!!!!!???"
Well, I made a video that explains why and also what to do to get your manto come back. Check it out here:
So let's finish the discussion about Kelly and I. Should Kelly just accept that I don't talk to her or should I realize that Kelly wants to hear from me and start making the effort?
Well the answer is simple. Kelly and I needed to sit down and discuss each other needs. We also needed to be really curious about each other. For example, "Kelly, why do you want to hear from me?" "Well Mike, I felt like we just had the best time together and I really opened up to you and showed you my heart. However, when we come home and I don't hear from you, I wonder if 1. maybe you didn't have as good a time as me or you are starting to have 2nd thoughts about our relationship?"
In response, of course I would say, "I love our relationship and had the best time ever, thank you for sharing why you want to hear from me. I absolutely don't want you to feel that way and we will have to come up with a game plan for the future."
Next, it is Kelly's job to get curious with me. "Mike, I love how focused you are with work and really admire what you do. How come after a long weekend together I don't hear from you?"
My response. "I am sorry about that. I am a wildly singularly focused person. When I am with you, I am with you. When I am at work, I am working. When I get wrapped up in work, I guess it slips my mind to reach out to you."
In response, Kelly could say, "That makes total sense and I certainly don't want to bother you while working. However, you would make me feel so special if during a break you would shoot me a quick text or phone call to say hello."
Wowzers, how cool of a conversation was that? It came from a genuinely curious place and lead to both parties learning more about the partner. Instead of an escalated conversation where I could have said, "Ugh, I am working. Would you just leave me alone. I just spend 72 straight hours with you! Give me a break."
Or she could have said, "Mike, you never call me. I feel like all you care about is work. I wish you cared about me as much as you cared about work."
So what did we learn from all this?
GET CURIOUS! Any fight or argument is not really a fight. It is an opportunity to 1. learn how to express yourself better 2. a chance to learn more about your partner.
When you come from a place of curiosity and love, you and your partner will be able to find solutions that will be mindful of what both parties want.
Now, let's chat about why men pull away?
1. They crave independence
2. They crave completing tasks
3. Maybe the two of you just spent a lot of time together and he needs time away
Need more explanation than just these 3 bullet points, WELL WATCH THIS VIDEO!
What Should You Do When Your Guy Disappears?
Go have fun! When he comes back, don't give him shit. Instead say, "I am so happy to see you, get your but over here and give me a kiss." If you do this, he will be excited to come back to you and next time he needs space he will feel safe to come back and may also come back quicker knowing you will be receptive to see him.
Well, welcome into Kelly and I's relationship. I really got personal in this article, huh? Hope the advice helped because if Kelly finds this article I may get "the look." HaHa
See you guys next time!
"I don't want to be a nag." - Every Woman. "I don't want you to be a nag either." - Me
So every woman is terrified of being a nag. Rightfully so, because a woman that nags will send any man headed for the hills. But, a woman who sets boundaries can do it in a sexy way which will have men begging for more.Ready to learn how?
Watch this video:
So let's first understand why setting boundaries is going to enhance your relationships and then I will explain how to implement.
1. Why?
Men want women to make dating easier. What this means is men want women to give them a roadmap to their heart. If you tell him what you want, what you need, the guy that cares about you will do it. Now, many of you will say, "I don't want to tell him, I just want him to know." My response is "good luck." I am a professional dating expert and I can promise you I have no idea what my girlfriend wants on a random Tuesday. But, I love when she tells me, "I had a tough day today, will you give me a hug?"
2. How?
This is the scariest part because your biggest fear is turning into the naggy woman. So let's talk about proper implementation and improper with some examples.
Improper - "You never call me. I feel so unimportant to you."
Correct - "You would make me the happiest woman in the world if you called me a few times a week. You are such a great guy, and I know you are busy at work but I would feel so special if you found a few minutes just to say "hi."
Let's go back to Why?
Why is setting boundaries so important. If you do not feel heard in the relationship eventually you are going to snap and either leave the guy, be unhappy in the relationship, or lash out by yelling at your guy who probably had no idea he was doing anything wrong.
On the flip side, men LOVE when women communicate what they need. Yes, the busy guy may initially not be so excited that he needs to stop work to give you a call a few times a week. But after some time he is going to crave it. He is going to look forward to the part of his day where he gets to take a break and catch up with his best friend and lover. However, you are never going to get this unless you ask for it and most importantly ask for it in the right way, coming from a place of happiness and how to become even happier, not a place of complaining and nagging.
So I will leave you with this. If men like when you set boundaries and obviously you would like to be true to yourself and speak your mind what are you waiting for? Stop sitting on the sidelines and build your perfect relationship! Remember, setting boundaries is sexy!
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