I remember when I was a 15 year old boy, and yes I will use the word boy even though I supposedly turned into a man at age 13 (Bar Mitzvah) I got my dating advice from my close friends. My closest friend, Joe, would always tell me that you can't be nice to women. You need to command them, put them down, and show your raw dominance over them. At the time I had to think his words had merit because he always seemed to do very well with women. (Obviously, later in life I learned he was full of shit) Anyway, him and I would partner up and head to the mall to hit on women.
One of us would approach, typically taking turns to initiate conversation. Once we thought the women were receptive to having a conversation, we would both talk to them. Joe would dominate conversation and would make fun of me. I would pretend to be sad, one woman would comfort me while the other woman would laugh. The girl that would laugh would be Joe's, while the woman that was sympathetic would be mine. This strategy worked quite well and suited our personalities.
However, obviously this "routine" was not entirely genuine and of course did little in terms of building a true connection and facilitating actually getting to know each other. Thus, this strategy would need to evolve.
Anyway, I probably told this story because it made me feel nostalgic of the fun of hitting on strangers at a mall. But, why is this story valuable for you? It shows that advice from friends can be good and/or bad. In this case, my friend's advice, in the short term of picking up women was probably half decent. But, in the long term, including karma, and building true intimacy, it was disingenuous and not helpful for me or the women I courted.
So, in order to help you decide if your friend's dating advice is any good, I have decided to over generalize but put your friends into two buckets: "Yes" Friends and "Guardian" Friends:
1. The "Yes" Friend - The yes friend simply tells you whatever you want to hear. You get a bad haircut, she tells you, "Wow, I love your haircut. You look amazing!" You have a boyfriend or potential boyfriend that you like and clearly doesn't treat you how to deserve to be treated the yes friend says, "Yea, you are right, give him a second chance." The yes friend is a valuable friend for boosting your ego and having less stressful conversations but she is not a person to get advice from. (At least if you are looking for a honest opinion)
2. The "Guardian" Friend - The guardian friend is 1. your protector and 2. holds you accountable when you do something wrong. This friend has probably known you for a long time and when she sees a current/potential boyfriend not treating you well, you better believe she is going to tell you about it. When the guardian speaks, you better at least listen because she truly has your best interests at heart.
However, in regards to YOUR relationship. It is your decision. My advice is don't rate the quality of the guy, rate the quality of the relationship. If he treats you well, move forward, if he doesn't treat you well, demand better and if he gives you better, awesome! If he doesn't, maybe it is time to move on.
Bottom line, it is okay to listen to all you friends and even listen to the words you find on the internet. But, at the end of the day, you decide what advice is right for you. Some advice will be applicable and helpful, while other advice will not be helpful. Either way, trust yourself and do the best you can. If things with a current boyfriend are meant to be, they will be. If they are not meant to be, that is fine too.
When you live with a partner, you see them every day. You can choose to communicate with each other at almost any time. If you are unsure of something, or something is bothering you, you simply ask your partner and talk it through.
However, if you are in the single world then none of this is quite possible just yet. When you are dating someone new you may see that person once per week or even less. Also, you are probably not talking every day. Because of the amount of communication in new relationships and the fact that you don't know each other well yet there can be lots of confusion in regards to intentions, life goals, and overall compatibility.
So since we can't bundle 2-3 years of dating/communicating with each other into some magic potion I did build a system that is quite accurate at telling you if your guy is serious about you.
Ready to see the system?
Learn It In This Video:
Here Are The 4 Signs He Actually Likes you and Won't Disappear
1. He Makes Future Plans With You - Imagine if it is January and together you book a vacation to Costa Rica in June. He wouldn't book this vacation, put his money at risk unless he was sure that he wanted to still be dating you by June.
2. He Introduces you to Friends and Family - If he is bringing you home to meet mom and dad. He is serious about you. If his mom is anything like mine, even a small whiff of a girl in my life means at least 45 minutes of questions. Thus, I never bring up a woman unless I am serious about that woman. I bet your guy practicing the same principle, unless he is a momma's boy, which is a whole other story.
Now, imagine if he is taking you home to meet family? You are in! High five.
3. He Does things with or for you that he doesn't want to do - If on Saturday, instead of relaxing he is going with you to Macy's to shop, which is most likely not his favorite activity then he is doing this because he wants to make you happy. If he sacrifices his own happiness for yours, you better believe he is doing this because he sees a future with you. Of course, he needs to decide to do these things, on his own, if you force him, he is going to disappear. It might not happen this week, or month, but I promise eventually he is going to be gone.
In order to cover all my bases. How do you invite him to activities? Say this:
"You would make me the happiest woman in the world if you would come to Macy's with me on Saturday." Now you allow him to respond. If he says, "yes." You say, "thank you so much, you are best!"
Finally, on Saturday make sure to thank him and maybe even tell him, "wow, you are such an amazing guy. I can't believe how sweet you are to come shopping with me on your Saturday. Thank you so much."
Side note: If you give me the praise stated above, I might go to Macy's with you ever Saturday. Men LOVE when their woman is happy. The Happy wife, Happy Life mantra is alive and well.
Finally, make sure to ask for what you want. Men are not mindreaders but actually LOVE when you give them a roadmap to your happiness. (We hate guessing what you want to do.)
4. He Takes You On 5 Plus Dates Without Get The Cookie - Let's over generalize but assume men are looking for sex and find love, while women are looking for love and find sex. In this case, the guy is looking for sex, doesn't receive it on date 1, 2, 3, and so on. Why does he keep asking you out? Well, around date 5 plus, most likely he found something special about you. He thinks there may be a future.
I put the number of dates at 5 because men may be willing to wait four dates to get laid. But, if a man is purely looking for sex, he most likely will give up before 5 dates. Reason being, there is most likely another woman out there who is willing to have sex with less effort. However, if he makes it to date 5 plus with you, he is intrigued and wants to keep exploring with you.
You now know the signs of a man that likes you. If your guy are doing these four things he is in it with you. Now just have a blast with him, get to know him, and figure out if he is someone you want to spend the rest of your life with.
Many of my clients are telling me they are only attracted to men that are non-committal. They describe this guy as charismatic, charming, well spoken, worldly, motivated, financially stable and so much more. The only drawback of course is that he is unwilling to commit to a monogamous relationship. Well, that is a HUGE problem when my clients are looking for a soul mate.
So since my clients want these men I needed to figure out how to deliver them to my clients. After lots of research and experimenting I figured out a way that works 97.5% of the time. I describe that method in this 3 minute youtube video: It Is Possible To Get Non-Committal Men
In case you would prefer to read instead of watch here is some more information.
First, a man is only non-committal until they find a woman to commit to. I spoke with hundreds of proclaimed "x-players" that are now happily married and 97.5% stated they had their fun until they found the one that was too valuable to discard.
Now, the common thread in all these men were their ladies made them wait at least 5 dates and typically until in a committed relationship until sleeping together.
I am going to re-iterate. If you want to land your dream guy, you must not sleep with him until commitment.
You and him need to get to know each other. Both parties need to get vested in each other. Vested means, truly like each other personalities, having similar values, and both parties seeing a future in each other.
Once all of this is accomplished, the non-committal guy will be ready to make a commitment because he has found someone special.
