We are dealing with an epidemic in today's world. The epidemic is effecting both men and women. The epidemic has positive aspects but also has some negative aspects. Let's talk about this epidemic. The epidemic is that women have entered the work force and they are kicking butt. This is great because, smart women helping companies, means more profit and better products. But this is bad because women are often asked to act like men while at work. This process can be exhausting. Women come home and they are tired and sometimes have a difficult time of transitioning back into their normal state of acting like a female.
So what happens when a woman acts like a man? The woman is fiercely independent, does everything herself, but lacks receiving support. When a woman doesn't receive support, she doesn't feel whole.
What happens to men when women are super independent. They no longer feel needed. Let's dive into this. Back in the day, men used to hunt, slay dragons, and other manly things that involved protecting their women. Now, men don't get to slay dragons and thus need to find new ways to protect. One hundred years ago, men were typically the only income provider and thus felt satisfaction in bringing home the bacon. However, now women are also working and they no longer get to feel needed in regards to providing financial security.
So what does all this mean?
1. Gender lines are being blurred at home and at work and both sexes are confused
2. Women are exhausted
3. Men don't feel as useful as they used to
How do we fix these problems?
Before we solve the problem. Let's define the three types of confident woman. Best described in this video:
Three Types of Confident Women:
1. I Can't Do Anything Woman - Lacks Confidence
2. I Can Do Everything Woman or Anything He Can Do, I Can Do Better - Remember the Mia Hamm vs. Michael Jordan commercials? This woman is super woman and literally can and will do everything. This could be the single mom, this could be the single woman with the big career, fancy car and house, and amazing family.
3. I Can Do Everything But I Ask For Help Too - This woman is enlightened, smart, and truly gets it. This woman realizes we have an epidemic. She realizes that when she does everything herself she will be exhausted. But, instead when she asks a man for help, she gets two birds with one stone. She gets her man to feel needed and she alleviates her own stress of having to do everything. She feels supported.
So back to how do we fix the epidemic?
Simple. Women need to get comfortable asking for help. They need to ask for help, not because they need it, but because men need it and quite frankly wouldn't it be awesome to have your guy help you with things?
Let's talk examples so you can start executing immediately.
Let's say you go grab a coffee with your guy but you forgot to get sugar. I can do everything woman would just go get herself. But, I ask for help too woman would say, "would you mind getting me two packs of sugar."
Guy feels needed and says, "sure."
He comes back and you say, "Thank you so much, you are so great at taking care of me."
GUY FEELS LIKE A MILLION BUCKS AND ACTUALLY SUCCESSFUL AT BEING A
BOYFRIEND. (Man's largest insecurity is always being a crappy boyfriend)
If you are consistently telling him he is doing a good job that is the equivalent of him telling you, "wow you look amazing in those jeans."
To recap, if you really want to take strength and confidence to the next level, it is not doing everything yourself. It is getting your man to do things for you even though you are more than capable of doing it yourself.
I remember when I was a 15 year old boy, and yes I will use the word boy even though I supposedly turned into a man at age 13 (Bar Mitzvah) I got my dating advice from my close friends. My closest friend, Joe, would always tell me that you can't be nice to women. You need to command them, put them down, and show your raw dominance over them. At the time I had to think his words had merit because he always seemed to do very well with women. (Obviously, later in life I learned he was full of shit) Anyway, him and I would partner up and head to the mall to hit on women.
One of us would approach, typically taking turns to initiate conversation. Once we thought the women were receptive to having a conversation, we would both talk to them. Joe would dominate conversation and would make fun of me. I would pretend to be sad, one woman would comfort me while the other woman would laugh. The girl that would laugh would be Joe's, while the woman that was sympathetic would be mine. This strategy worked quite well and suited our personalities.
However, obviously this "routine" was not entirely genuine and of course did little in terms of building a true connection and facilitating actually getting to know each other. Thus, this strategy would need to evolve.
Anyway, I probably told this story because it made me feel nostalgic of the fun of hitting on strangers at a mall. But, why is this story valuable for you? It shows that advice from friends can be good and/or bad. In this case, my friend's advice, in the short term of picking up women was probably half decent. But, in the long term, including karma, and building true intimacy, it was disingenuous and not helpful for me or the women I courted.
So, in order to help you decide if your friend's dating advice is any good, I have decided to over generalize but put your friends into two buckets: "Yes" Friends and "Guardian" Friends:
1. The "Yes" Friend - The yes friend simply tells you whatever you want to hear. You get a bad haircut, she tells you, "Wow, I love your haircut. You look amazing!" You have a boyfriend or potential boyfriend that you like and clearly doesn't treat you how to deserve to be treated the yes friend says, "Yea, you are right, give him a second chance." The yes friend is a valuable friend for boosting your ego and having less stressful conversations but she is not a person to get advice from. (At least if you are looking for a honest opinion)
2. The "Guardian" Friend - The guardian friend is 1. your protector and 2. holds you accountable when you do something wrong. This friend has probably known you for a long time and when she sees a current/potential boyfriend not treating you well, you better believe she is going to tell you about it. When the guardian speaks, you better at least listen because she truly has your best interests at heart.
However, in regards to YOUR relationship. It is your decision. My advice is don't rate the quality of the guy, rate the quality of the relationship. If he treats you well, move forward, if he doesn't treat you well, demand better and if he gives you better, awesome! If he doesn't, maybe it is time to move on.
Bottom line, it is okay to listen to all you friends and even listen to the words you find on the internet. But, at the end of the day, you decide what advice is right for you. Some advice will be applicable and helpful, while other advice will not be helpful. Either way, trust yourself and do the best you can. If things with a current boyfriend are meant to be, they will be. If they are not meant to be, that is fine too.
Men are typically the ones notorious for saying "stupid things" but my articles are mostly geared towards women at the moment so ladies get ready to learn what words should never leave your mouth if you want to get and keep a man forever.
Without further ado, either watch this video on this topic or read below:
1. "Nothing is wrong, I am fine." - Men are not mind readers. Tell us what is wrong, if we care about you, we will try to fix it or at least show you compassion and give you support.
2. "Stop, just let me do it!" - First, this sounds like something a mother would say. We know you don't want to be his mom. Second, the male ego is very fragile, if you elude to him not being capable well he will not feel very good on the inside.
3. "I hate when you do that, my EX would never do that." - In order to make a man feel like he is greatest and only man on the planet for you, you need to NEVER compare him to other men. As far and you and him are concerned, he is the only man on the planet in regards of a romantic relationship.
4. "Size Matters" - We just talked about this! Men have fragile egos, especially fragile on something he can't control. It is not like he can eat 2 lbs of Holland Eggplants every week and after 4 months it grows an inch. Not going to happen. But what may happen, is your man shrinks inside himself by learning he may not be large enough to make you fully happy.
So bottom line, don't compare your man to other men, share with him what you need to be happy in the relationship, and finally be supportive when he is trying to accomplishing things with encouragement instead of stealing his thunder and doing it for him. There you have it, some pretty easy stop to keep your relationship moving forward without hiccups.
