Moving in with a significant other is a huge milestone for any couple, and may spark some unwanted stress and anxiety. Tough discussions will need to be had, and adjusting to time spent together more often than not will need to find a healthy balance. This should be an exciting moment with your partner, and knowing the right steps to ensure it goes smoothly can make all the difference. That is why we have compiled some helpful tips to ease you into cohabiting so you can enjoy this wonderful new chapter together.
Finances
Having a discussion about finances can be a difficult topic to approach, but it’s important to be upfront and honest. With rent or mortgage payments as a possibility, you will need to find a way to fairly split the cost, as well as establish a budget when looking for a new space. Understand each other's spending habits, and current financial health, as well as income, so spending can take higher or lower salaries into consideration. Especially if you plan on combining your finances and living on a shared income. You can then determine a budget that accommodates rent, weekly groceries and essentials, and other costs, so money never becomes stressful or put a strain on your relationship.
Combining Belongings
Moving in together can be a good time to sort through your belongings and donate, sell, or let go of anything you no longer need or want. Combining two households means having two of everything, so decide on which items should stay and move to your new space, and which items can go. Be sure to take your partner's feelings into consideration when it comes time to sort through the more sentimental items, and find a way to make space for the more important things. When everything is sorted, go to your local Goodwill to donate your gently used items, or have a sale to earn a little extra money to be put towards new appliances or furniture for your new shared space. Sorting through and organizing can be tedious, but make this part of the moving process fun and a way to get to know each other just a little more.
Designing Your Space
When it comes time to design your space together, there can be some arguments if you have clashing tastes. Take to sites like Pinterest and Instagram to get some inspiration, and narrow down a few designs that you both like and find a way to make them a cohesive style. Or, give each other one space to make their own, so that each of your designs are represented. Designing a home together should be fun, and you don’t have to agree on everything. Just be sure to find a balance, and communicate with your partner to come to a common design ground. Then get to work styling your new space!
Finding Alone Time
When living with your partner, it can be hard to find some time apart. It’s healthy for couples to have space from each other to explore their own interests and hobbies, and sometimes the confines of living together can limit that. Be sure to talk to your partner about your schedule and plan a routine that allows for some personal time. You can even go as far as to pick separate areas in your home to designate as your area to unwind. Create a reading nook fit with a comfy reading chair, or an at-home game lounge with a pool table, foosball, darts, and of course a gaming system to play all of your favorite video games. No matter what you choose to fill your room with, it can be your separate sanctuaries to relax and recharge, and spend a little time to yourselves in the process.
Planning for the future
Now that you share a home, planning for the future will be talk that may need to be had. Taking the less traditional route, most modern couples are moving in together before marriage. This can be the ultimate test to see if you are compatible, and it can act as a test run to work out any problem areas before saying “I do.” With marriage being the end goal for a lot of couples, there will need to be discussions surrounding future financial goals, and if the home you choose is the one you plan on staying in long term. This helps to start setting money aside for your future plans and in the decision making process when picking your living space. Try to find ways to align your home buying choices to match your future life together. That way when it comes time to buy an engagement ring of your partner's dreams, you can do so knowing you are prepared for the next exciting chapter of your lives together.
It is natural for you to feel a bit of uncertainty when it comes to your relationship. Maybe you've been hurt before or maybe it just doesn't feel like a fairytale romance that is portrayed in the movies. Whatever the reason, before long, these doubts leave you asking yourself, "How do I know that he's the right guy for me?"
You start to worry that if you are having doubts, that must mean that he isn't the one. If he is your soul mate, shouldn't you just know? Shouldn't everything be perfect?
In response to these thoughts and fears, we can have a number of different reactions. These reactions are completely normal and very common but they will often cause more issues in the relationship. Women might rush into a commitment to help rid themselves of all of the uncertainty. Rushing into a commitment before you're ready can lead to disaster. It might feel instinctual to hold tightly onto something so you won't lose it but this can often have the opposite effect.
Men, on the other hand, tend to pull away in response to these feelings. When women see men pulling away for them, they often times will panic or blame themselves. This can lead to them beating themselves up and obsessing over all of the details. Often worried that they did something wrong, they will reach out to the man to try to figure out what happened. These insecurities can be read as neediness by the man, and BANG! ...They pull away even more.
We all have insecurities in many areas of our lives and relationships are no exception! It is important to try to worry less and trust more. DON'T PANIC! Trust your heart.
Another important thing to remember is that life isn't a movie. You aren't going to run into his arms in slow motion. There isn't going to be a montage of perfect little moments. He isn't going to speak to you in poetry that makes your heart soar. The only thing that is guaranteed in love is that it isn't going to be perfect. But that's what love is... Sometimes, it's saying and doing the wrong thing and sometimes it's messy. Love is perfectly imperfect and the right one for you will be there with you through it all.
Maybe you'll have an aha moment or maybe it will be a collection of moments that show you what you need to know. When you look to the future, you can't picture it without him. That's how you know your guys is the right guy for you.
Want to learn more about this topic? Watch this video for great insights from John Gray, author of "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus":
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