In this life we know two things for sure. Your time on earth is limited and you will pay taxes. In today's article we are going to focus on time, more specifically how you can optimize your time so if you want to get married you are not wasting energy on men who are NOT right for you.
So how are you going to do this?
Let's discuss your first date strategy. Some women are going on first dates, keeping conversation PC, and hoping to get out of there with a guy that is intrigued, but not really getting or giving much information. Well, if you are serious about optimizing your love life this is not going to cut it.
A great first date should be light and fun but at the same time start answering many if not most of your questions on whether your date could potentially be a life partner.
Now, I am sure most of you are reading this and thinking I am crazy, and quite frankly you may be right. But, the reason I am coming off crazy is because most people don't realize they can get the information they need from their 1st date in a light and still fun first date way.
Let me show you:
My 5 Needs
1. Takes bad situations in stride - Positive attitude
2. Healthy Lifestyle
3. Can handle social situations / Not need me by her side the whole time
4. Challenges me/Supports me - Be able to learn from each other
5. Independent
So how do I figure out if my date has these qualities: (Numbers Correspond to the Numbers Above)
1. Ask person about their job? Are they excited or say something positive about their work? It is okay to not like your job but it is nice to hear some redeeming qualities about an activity that takes up so much time in a person's life.
2. What are your favorite foods? If answer is something unhealthy, ask, is that a cheat meal or is that your go to daily? Also, say, "you have a great body, what do you do to stay in shape?"
3. This may come in date 5, date 8, or maybe even later. But eventually you will want to bring someone to an event or to meet friends/family. Does your date need to cling onto you or can he mingle on his own?
4. Talk about what you do for work. Are they excited to ask you questions and learn more about what you do?
5. Ask, "What do you do for fun? What do you and your friends do together?" If your date has a big social life, doing a lot of activities he will probably want to maintain them even after you combine lives.
So many experts are clamoring about whether to make yourself busy or be available. Each one gives opposing advice which practically makes it impossible to definitively know which approach is best. Thus, I am going to attempt to lay out the answer in the most clear, precise, and actionable way possible.
First, whether you are in a relationship or single, build the best possible life for yourself. What does that mean?
Have balance between the 6 pillars of Happiness.
Most importantly, realize that one person is not going to be able to provide you with everything you need.
So back to the question at hand, should you be busy or available?
The answer is you need to build a lifestyle that is attractive. If you have your health, family/friends, are smart, have your job and finances in order, all while maintaining an active social life you will be extremely attractive to suitors.
Now, once you have the infrastructure in place, if a guy asks you out and you are free, go on the date. If you are not free, but are interested, say, "Thank you so much for asking me out. I would absolutely love to go. Unfortunately, I have plans. But, I am free next Tuesday or Thursday at 8PM if either of those work for you?"
Key Points: If you reject a man's initial date, you must offer SPECIFIC times to make the date happen. Men are not mind readers and if you reject the first date they may think you are not interested. If you are not interested, they move to a girl that is.
In order to drive home the point, dating shouldn't be about games (pretending to busy). It is about building a great life for yourself, attempting to find someone worthy to share it with, and finally effectively communicating with suitors so they constantly and consistently know where they stand.
Yes. It is my opinion that people can and do make massive changes in a split second. Let me give you an example. Remember last time you had a job that you didn't really like. For awhile you just keep chugging along telling yourself, "It is not that bad."
But eventually something terrible happens, it jolts you like a punch in the gut, and all of a sudden you are at your breaking point and immediately looking for a new job.
Well this exact same phenomenon is going to happen in your dating life and in your love relationships. Sometimes in a relationship you hit a breaking point and decide to break up.
Sometimes you are single and decide, right now I am no longer going to settle for being single.
Well this is something I want to discuss more.
83% of my clients get into a relationship during 6 months of coaching with me. However, what is more interesting to me, is what is the difference between the 83% and the 17%?
Why do the 83% succeed when everyone is giving the exact same strategy?
Since, I HATE losing, and LOVE helping people accomplish their goals I needed an answer so everyone will be successful.
What I realized, is the 17% didn't have the same level of commitment. They didn't say, "I am going to do whatever it takes"
They did say, "I want this badly, and I really want to make it happen"
There is a huge difference between these two mindsets. The women who really want to make it happen, have given themselves an out by "wanting" instead of "needing". They can fail. They won't do anything and everything for it. On the flip side, the 83% are refusing to allow failure to be an option.
So what have we learned so far?
1. You Need a Mindset that says, "I am going to do it, NO MATTER WHAT!"
So other than the mindset, what did the 83% do that the 17% didn't always do:
1. Ensuring 1-2 dates per week no matter what
2. Follow the M,W,FR plan of 30 minutes/day of online dating to re-build the funnel of men
3. Giving men with little chemistry (Initially) and high compatibility at least 4 dates
4. Following the rest of strategy to a T
A good strategy and the right mindset, that is all you need to accomplish any goal that you may have.
