Imagine yourself newly dating a really great guy--the type of guy who makes your heart skip a beat! The guy who meets all the criteria on your checklist and more.
The guy who has been taking you out to fabulous dinners, texting you daily, and sending flowers to your office. You can't wait to bring him home to mom and dad--until you realize you are going to have to wait! Because after stalking his Facebook page, you see the writing on the wall: He is dating other people! Horrified, you consider blocking him for good but instead send him a screenshot of the "evidence". (Caption. "WTF?? *Sigh* *Sad Face*)
You are hoping for some kind of explanation. Is this a joke? Did someone hack his account? Nope! When you ask him to spill it, he apologizes and accuses you of being "crazy". Mostly, you get the response from a man who thinks he did no wrong. "It's not like we are exclusive", he says. He's right. Sadly, he can date whoever he wants-whenever he wants-because the two or you never became an official couple. Sorry, girlfriend, you have broken the cardinal rule of dating: You can not assume you are exclusive unless a guy tells you they he wants to be exclusive with you.
Note: Unless he clearly states that he wants to be in a committed, monogamous relationship with you, assume that there's a good chance he's still seeing other women--as in talking to, dating, and sleeping with. One thing is for sure: If a man really wants to be in a serious relationship with you , he wants to lock it down. He wants to know that he's investing his time, energy, and money into a woman who is investing her own in him and him only. He doesn't want to compete for your affection anymore. He wants you to be his girlfriend. He wants to shout it from the rooftops or, umm, at least on social media. Ideally, you wouldn't have to ask him if he wants to be exclusive. Ideally, he'd leave no doubt in your mine. But even some good relationship-oriented guys are imperfect, afraid of rejection, and could use a little nudge. If this sounds like the guy you are dating and you want to take things to the next level, tell him.
Let him know your feelings but don't assume that you are exclusive just because you told him you want to be. The only thing you have to go by is his word. The moment he tells you he wants to be exclusive is the moment you know you're exclusive. And then you can start looking at his actions. Because they really do speak louder than words!
Who Is Your Author?
Rachel Russo, MS, MFT is a Matchmaker, Dating & Relationship Coach, Author & Speaker. She has a master’s degree in Marriage & Family Therapy from Iona College, a BA in Psychology from Rutgers University, and a certification as an Intentional Relationship Coach. Rachel is the founder of Rachel Russo Relationships-a NYC-based dating and relationship consultancy-and has worked as a matchmaker for eleven years. Rachel is the author of two books: A Fab Job Guide To Become A Matchmaker and How To Get Over Your Ex: A Step By Step Guide To Mend A Broken Heart Italian American Style. Rachel has pretty much earned her PhD in men—many thanks to a reality-date-a-thon in which she went on ninety-two dates in one year and blogged about them. For more dating and relationship advice, check out www.RachelRusso.com
Ah, the honeymoon!
When it comes to dating, we generally regard the early stages of seeing someone to be a time of relational bliss. It is the period of a relationship that is, at best, defined by lust, infatuation, and, of course, many exciting firsts. At worst, its the "good old days" a couple looks back on as the time before everything went.....downhill.
If you are looking to be in a healthy, happy, and sustainable relationship, there are things that you should look for as norms. In other words, if you and your partner are experiencing the following, you are probably on the right track......
Best Behavior: In the beginning, "normal" relationships consist of two imperfect people on their best, most perfect behavior. This is a time of chivalry, good manners, proper dating etiquette-think dates planned far in advance- and a sweeping any potential problems under the rug.
The dates within the first few months are generally more of the four or five star restaurant variety and less Chipotle and Netflix on the couch. Its a time in which both parties make an effort to look their best. Legs are shaved; sweats are left in the drawer. There are calls just to say "hi" and daily good morning texts.
Whether you have you partner on a pedestal as someone who could do no wrong or are just enjoying the fact that you haven't seen any "red flags" yet. you are thrilled at how well everything is going.
Sexual Attraction: At the start of a relationship that is going somewhere, you can't get enough of each other! There is such a sexual energy in the air! You are so physically attracted to each other. You feel a spark,butterflies, and the greatest excitement over, say, just brushing up against him or her. For some, the chemistry is so strong that they can barely keep their hands off each other. That's right: You feel like you are making out all over town, because you are! And if you are holding off on sleeping with each other, your hormones can make you feel like you are going crazy.
You should be crazy for each other. Its all so new and exciting; the early days are definitely the time to feel the sexual attraction. Sure, attraction can develop in time, but for most couples who keep that flame burning for decades and decades, the spark was there early on.
Want the honeymoon to last forever? For some couples, it can! For more dating and relationship advice, check out www.RachelRusso.com
Rachel Russo, MS, MFT is a Matchmaker, Dating & Relationship Coach, Author & Speaker. She has a master’s degree in Marriage & Family Therapy from Iona College, a BA in Psychology from Rutgers University, and a certification as an Intentional Relationship Coach. Rachel is the founder of Rachel Russo Relationships-a NYC-based dating and relationship consultancy-and has worked as a matchmaker for eleven years. Rachel is the author of two books: A Fab Job Guide To Become A Matchmaker and How To Get Over Your Ex: A Step By Step Guide To Mend A Broken Heart Italian American Style. Rachel has pretty much earned her PhD in men—many thanks to a reality-date-a-thon in which she went on ninety-two dates in one year and blogged about them.
Who is John Gray?
Author of Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, #1 best selling non-fiction author of all time and the leading expert on relationships.
What is this video about?
Men pull away more when they are in love.
Men need 10 to 30 times more testosterone than women.
Women need 10 times more estrogen than men.
Your Man pulls away to get balance. It is an opportunity for him to replenish his testosterone levels. It is perfectly normal for your guy after a long weekend together to disappear for awhile. He will look to accomplish things at work, solve problems, or participate in activities away from you. This is done in order to replenish his testosterone levels.
What Should You Do When He Disappears?
You should go spend time with your girlfriends, go to brunch, go shopping, go do anything that is fun for you that has nothing to do with him. Once your man has refilled his testosterone he will return. The less you reach out to him during this period of him being in his "man cave" the quicker and more excited he will be to return.
If you do feel the need to reach out to him, send him a picture of you having fun with your girlfriends. If he knows that you are accepting of him pulling away and are still happy with him he will feel a lot more comfortable to come back to you. Not to mention, he will want to take credit for some of your happiness. ;)
