I get female clients into relationships 83% of the time. Why am I telling you this, because I want you to not just read my advice, but actually use it and be successful.
When I was in my mid 20's I was a successful sales professional. In my prior life I had been ranked as high as #2 out of 5,000 sales people. After leaving the insurance industry I was looking for my next challenge. An ex-partner of IBM and I linked up and quickly built a strong bond. He believed in my sales acumen and asked me to single handily open a NY IT consulting branch. I knew nothing about IT but at the time believed sales is sales, I can do it!
My boss knew I didn't know anything about IT and gave me specific orders. "Go make friends with anyone in IT and if people like you they will fill their consulting needs through you." Easy enough. During my journey to make friends, I remember setting up an appointment to meet with an IT director at a fortune 500 company. I was confirming the appointment on the phone and he said,
"Mike, I am not sure if you want to meet with me right now, my company is on a hiring freeze"
I said, "I understand Alex, I make my friends when times are bad, so when things turn around you know exactly who to call"
We met that day, and like Alex said, he had nothing for me. However, I said "Alex, I want to continue this relationship, in one month I am going to take you out to lunch."
At that lunch I received an opportunity to submit a proposal for a project as well as received a job description to fill a consulting role. Less than a week later I made my first sale with Alex.
Over the next three years, I was always his first call whenever he needed anything, including when he left his firm and become CTO at another company.
"Mike, why the heck did you tell me this story?"
Very simple. "If you don't know, go" - Brian Murrow
This means, if a guy asks you on a date and you are not sure. Go on the date!
Why is this so important?
Women are constantly complaining about the quality of their dates not being good. However, women are disqualifying dates for valid reasons but NOT for the most important reasons.
Let's say these are the 5 things you need in a life partner: (Here is How You Build this List for Yourself)
1. Great Communicator
2. Positive Attitude
3. Passionate about his work
4. Lives a healthy lifestyle
5. Trustworthy
Do NOT disqualify men UNLESS with 100% certainty you are sure they are missing one or more of your 5 required qualities.
For example, today one of my clients called me and said a guy she was texting with, (have not been on a date yet), asked, "I want to know where this is headed, I am only looking for marriage, are you ultimately looking to get married?"
Now from her perspective, she is like why is this stranger asking me if I want to get married. It seems like the question is coming a little soon. My client was freaked out and debating canceling the date.
However, although I 100% agreed that the guy was too forward by asking this question. I actually felt more secure having my client date this man. I know that he is serious and most likely won't waste her time.
Also, although it wasn't the best dating etiquette, this guy still appears to have our 5 must haves from above, or at least we aren't sure yet if he doesn't. Since "you don't know, go!"
Now, if you found out he smokes cigarettes, and doesn't work out. Well, that doesn't fit into a healthy lifestyle and you 100% should cancel the date. No need to waste time.
Final Point: Men probably have about 10% of the social/verbal skills that women do.
Why?
Remember, when we were kids on the playground. The boys would play kill the carrier and women would be huddled into a circle chatting. (Obviously I am over simplify just to explain a point)
Well, the women gained vital social skills and exponentially increased their verbal skills. Men, on the other hand did not get these skills.
Thus, men are going to fumble on the phone, whether speaking or texting. Bare with the guy, he only has 10% of your ability in this area. Hopefully, he makes up for it in other areas.
Bottom line, don't exclude men on minor mistakes, but do remove men if they are missing your non negotiables. If you need to learn the proper way to build your 5 non-negotiable's list, go here.
I remember when I was single and in my mid twenties I would stay up at night and attempt to figure out what qualities I would need for a lifelong partner. I remember coming up with a decent game plan, and then going onto okcupid and searching vigorously for the girl. I would go on some dates and eventually find a girl worth pursuing. After a few dates or sometimes months I would realize that the girl was not right for me.
Looking back, there was a few things that were apparent.
1. I didn't totally know what I needed in a partner
2. I consistently and constantly would change my game plan on what qualities I needed in a woman
3. My list of must haves were things I wanted NOT needed
So what should you do to make sure you focus on the right men and don't waste time?
Build Your Perfect Man List:
1. List every quality and characteristic you want in a man
2. Rank Your Top 5
Moving forward, if a man has your top 5, keeping dating him. If he doesn't, dump him immediately. One caveat, if you are dating a guy and he makes you realize you need X, add X to the list and remove one of your other qualities.
Why is this list SO IMPORTANT?
Online dating has given all of us the ability to go on countless dates. I know when I processed each date I would determine if a 2nd date was happening purely on chemistry. That method does NOT work. Chemistry does not equate to a lifetime partnership.
So I beg of you, build this list, stop making willy-nilly dating decision, and treat finding love seriously. If finding a soul mate is important, only date people that have potential to obtain that elite status. So congatulations! You just made dating at least 10X more efficient. Go You!
Have you ever went on three dates with a great guy, like Nathan? The conversation flows, he is respectful, charming, and you even feel some butterflies when you think about him. More than that, you have start picturing what a life together could be. How exciting! But wait, out of nowhere, the calls, the texts, they all stop. He must have turned into a ghost, because he has fully disappeared!
What should you do?
I want you to send him 100 text messages in a row. Just kidding, don't do that!
However, I am about to give you the best and easiest advice I have ever given. I want you to do nothing. Let's see if he reaches out. If he does, great, respond like you normally would. If he doesn't well I guess he is not interested.
When I say not interested, I mean to say, he is not looking for what you are offering. It doesn't mean you aren't great, good enough for him, or a wonderful person. It simply means he is looking for something different. Be happy he has figured this out after only three dates instead of after 9 months of dating. Thankfully he has saved both of you a lot of time.
If you ever see this guy at the gym or grocery store make sure to be friendly and grateful that he was courteous enough to cut things off early rather than waste your time. Also, if you are still single when you see him PLEASE PLEASE have no shame to your game and do the following.
Say something like, "Hey, great to see you. You know, I thought you were a really great guy. Obviously, you weren't interested which is perfectly fine, but by any chance do you have any single friends that are just as great as you?"
Why is this the best two sentences ever?
1. You are complimenting someone (Good deed for the day #Done)
2. You know this guy has some of the qualities you want, I bet one of his friends has even more of the qualities you need. You are asking for a referral from someone who probably has access to someone who will be high quality.
