No one likes confrontation. We all wish life could be rainbows and butterflies 24/7, but no one is perfect and relationships are not going to be either.
I was sitting down with a friend, and she said, "Mike, I have been dating a guy for 3 months and he is great, but one thing is really bothering me."
"What is bothering you?" - Me
"We make plans, but he is consistently late." - Friend
Well funny enough, I am usually late so this is a problem my girlfriend constantly has to deal with. Thus, I've instructed my girlfriend how to get me to show up on time. Yes, I know that she is using my own little trick on me, and YES IT STILL WORKS!
So, last Friday my girlfriend needed me to be somewhere at 8PM on the dot: We could not be late. She called my on Friday morning and said, "Mike, you will make me the happiest woman alive if you picked me up at 7:15 on the dot so we can be on time at 8PM"
I said, "Sounds good I will be there"
I showed up to her door at 7:13 and she practically jumped me and said, "Thank you so much for being on time. You are the best boyfriend in the world!"
I lit up like a Christmas tree and felt great about myself.
I felt like, I am capable of making my girlfriend happy. Most importantly, I felt like my girlfriend was easy to make happy. All I needed to do was show up on time and all of a sudden I was the best guy on the planet. Now, if I have a girlfriend that is easy to make happy, that is someone I could consider spending the rest of my life with.
However, in contrast, a girlfriend that gets flowers, or a big ring, or is even taken to dinner and does not appreciate the gift or effort is setting herself up for failure. Men do not want to commit to marriage unless they are 100% sure that they are going to be able to keep their woman happy for eternity. Thus, it is vital to appreciate men for the little things they do and make them feel like they are a superhero - at least in your eyes.
If making you happy is simple,the decision of proposing will be too.
Dear Mike,
Hello, So I am in college and there is a guy I am interested in. When first talking to him I told him he would have to work to get me and that I am not just interested in sex and he said he understood and would work for me. So one day he asked me to come over to his dormitory after three hours of debating on whether i should go or not I finally went. We watched a movie while talking about relationships. I told him my views on relationships is that a guy should make a effort to get to know a girl first before sex, and that they should be in a relationship first before having sex. His response was that he believes in having sex with a girl first then getting to know each other. I did not fall for this and kept debating my opinion. After the debate I left and based on our conversation I decided to text him this: I was interested in u that's why I came to your room to have a conversation with you to see where your head was at. I respect the type of mentality that you have and your views on certain things but you're not what I am looking for. I know my worth and I love and respect myself enough to not fall for your mentality. I hope you find what you're looking for but it's not me. His response: Say no more ( Which is basically saying I understand or respect that) At the time I didn't understand what his response meant (until a friend told me the urban dictionary definition for it) so I took it as he wanted to stop talking to me and I didn't respond back. Now every time we see each other he just stares at me and we work at the same job I catch him constantly looking at me but he doesn't say anything. My question basically is, why does he keep staring at me but doesn't say anything?
Linita
Linita,
The guy is looking at you because you are the girl he didn't get to sleep with. He is probably attracted to you, but he is not attracted and intrigued enough to put in the effort of getting to know you and possibly dating you. Basically, you are hot enough for him to look at, but not hot enough for him to put in the effort.
He is not willing to put in the effort because he is either 1) not interested in a relationship 2) for some reason not interested in a relationship with you.
On a positive note, at least you saved A LOT OF TIME and possibly heart break by NOT spending adequate enough time to sleep together to then find out he was only putting in the minimal amount of effort to sleep with you. Anyway, I think you hit the lottery with this one.
Congratulations and hope you find a guy soon that is ready to get to know you.
Mike,
I brought my boyfriend of three months home to meet my mom. Later in the week I spoke with my mom and she said she didn't trust the guy and something was not right. Should I tell my boyfriend my mom doesn't like him? What should I do?
Molly
Molly,
Thanks for the great question. When we were teenagers, the romeo and juliet effect was alive and well, when parents didn't approve our significant other, more times than not we were pushed closer to them. However, now as adults we want our families to get along with our potential future husband. In an ideal world we picture our families blending and potentially spending holidays and other events together. In order for this to happen, we need everyone to get along.
You asked, "should you tell your boyfriend your mom doesn't like him?"
I would suggest waiting. If you have a guy that treats you well, like you deserved to be treated, your mother will eventually see how he treats you. Now, assuming your mother has your best interests at heart, when she sees the great treatment you receive, she most likely will start to warm up to your new boyfriend.
Bringing in new people to an already set family dynamic can be challenging. A mother could be accustomed to receiving your undivided attention. However, now she may be receiving less quality time because you now need to divide your attention between her and your new boyfriend. It is important that you are sensitive to your mother's need and will most likely want to start a dialogue with her to see how she feels about the new dynamic.
Is she still receiving what she needs out of her mother/daughter relationship?
Through strong communications, and a willingness to adapt to new social dynamics, hopefully all parties will be able to find a new normal and through time your great boyfriend and mother should grow closer together.
