Looks are important when it comes to dating. They initially attract you to someone and make you want to learn more about them. But sometimes people mistake looks for chemistry, which is a mistake.
I have countless female clients tell me after a date that they felt no chemistry with the other person. When I ask them to describe the date, they’ll say the conversation flowed, they thought he was funny and they felt comfortable with him. But in the end, she was not physically attracted to him and doesn’t want to go on a second date.
In these situations, I urge my clients to decide whether or not the guy gets a second date based on a list we develop together (using this process) where they describe the qualities they want in a life partner.
More often than not, the guy who my client isn’t immediately physically attracted to passes the list test and my client winds up in a happy relationship with them.
There are two reasons I do this with clients:
1. Men that pursue you the right way are not easy to find
2. Physical Attraction Builds Over Time
The more you appreciate someone's positive emotional qualities, the more you will become physically attracted to them. That, in turn, also builds chemistry.
Bottom line is if a man has the emotional qualities you need in a life partner but doesn’t give you that initial physical spark, be patient. There is a good chance the chemistry could become electric as the emotional bond builds.
The first step to finding a person to love is loving yourself. The key to that, in my opinion, revolves around being happy most of the time and finding balance between the 6 major pillars of Happiness.
6 Pillars of Happiness
Why do you need balance?
A person with balance always has multiple pillars to lean on when one isn't doing well. Of course some pillars are more important than others. But as long as you have balance in your life, you will be able to positively look to a different pillar when another one is imploding.
How does this relate to finding love?
Men are attracted to women who have it together. When a man sees a woman who is educated, healthy, has an active social life, is spiritually in tune with the world and has a good career, he will fall all over himself to pursue her.
I know at times we can all be pulled towards one pillar or another and focus solely on that. But try to maintain balance in 2016. It will make you happier, help you love yourself and in turn make others more attracted to you.
Brian rolls into his plush New York City midtown office at 8:30AM to start his work day. He takes a sip of coffee and opens up email. By 9AM he has caught up with email and is ready to start the day. WAIT! Tinder time.
Swipe Right, Swipe Right, Swipe Right, maybe an occasional Swipe Left for good measure. Match, match, soon to be match, and so on.
He slides into the matches section of tinder and has 13 new ladies he is yet to type to and three girls he is mid conversation with. By noon he has planned a date for Tuesday at 8PM, and a date for 7PM on Thursday followed by a date at 9PM Thursday (Two in One Night!). In case you are wondering, yes this does happen and yes this is more the norm than not happening, especially in the city that doesn't sleep, NYC.
The Data
Now, if Brian is averaging 3 dates per week. In one year he will go on about 156 dates. However, Brian has been single for three years. Thus, Brian has been on about 468 dates. WOAH! That is a lot of dates! Brian is a busy man.
If Brian has met 468 women, do you think it is possible that maybe, just maybe one of these women should have been a great match for him? Well... I hope so! However, for some reason Brian is still single. Now, Brian is not single by choice. He candidly does want a girlfriend, but just like EVERYONE ELSE, he does not want to feel like he is settling. Due to women always looking bigger and brighter from a far he keeps dating new girls and doesn't give good matches a fair shake.
The Findings
Unfortunately, or fortunately, countless psychology studies have proven that when the human brain has more than three options it becomes extremely difficult to make a decision. Thus, when you introduce online dating, everyone has access to countless dating options. All these options lead to indecision or what I like to call, "Could I do better syndrome?"
If you have, "could I do better syndrome?" you are going to knit pick everything about your potential partners. Well," he only makes six figures, I was really hoping for a guy that makes 250k plus. His face is shaven, I want a guy with a manly beard," and so on.
What YOU Should Do!
So I guess the million dollar question is, How Do You Keep a Guys Attention?
1. Be interested, not interesting on your date. This is key. People love to talk about themselves.
Ask him questions about anything you are genuinely interested about. Now here is the important part, make sure you hold eye contact and truly listen actively. Hang on what he is saying, assuming you are interested give him raw emotions that are vivid and easily seen on your facial expressions. If he feels you are excited about what is coming out of his mouth he will be much more excited to take the positive interested girl on a second date than some random girl who may be boring and potentially a poor conversationalist.
2. Keep Him Wondering Sexually - 90% of my women clients no matter what I say struggle with no sex until monogamy.
I don't fault them, I don't judge them, and frankly many times the guy sticks around anyway. But, the common denominator of when man stick around is simple. The sex always happens after he has already made up his mind that you are the girl for him.
I am a broken record on this but if he is talking about meeting family, friends, and booking future vacations he is certain of you.
If you are not 100% sure he has made up his mind about you, Please do not have sex yet. I am not saying this because I don't want you to experience pleasure but because men whether they want to admit it or not feel like kings of the world when they finally get laid from a girl that made them work for it.
Men want to feel like they did something no other man on the world could accomplish. (Obviously most of you have sex men before, but you want to portray to your man that you don't just give yourself to everyone)
His feeling of accomplishment coupled with good conversation, some mutual interests, and fun dates together should keep a man coming back for more.
Tired of being single. Tired of reading my articles but having no one to try my concepts on?
Ready for some one on one coaching from me to get you the man of your dreams? If so now is the time to take action. I am currently giving 100% FREE Dating Strategy Sessions. I give these free so you can get to know me and together we can figure out if we could be successful together. If for whatever reason we decide to not work with each other, no sweat, and I promise you will walk away understanding your dating life a whole lot more. You have NOTHING TO LOSE!
CLICK HERE to book an intro call with me. If the intro call goes well we will book your 100% FREE Strategy Session.
Once again, CLICK HERE to book your FREE 15 minute intro call with your dating coach, Mike Goldstein.
