I have spent years studying online dating and perfecting the process of selecting photos and writing profiles that reflect exactly who you are so the right people send and respond to your messages. This aspect of my business has been wildly successful and makes up the majority of my client's relationships. However, it has always troubled me when single people/clients relied solely on online dating to find someone to date.
They are missing out on various other ways to meet people. Specifically, meeting people in person. Historically, women when they were interested in someone, would stare, maybe smile and hope the guy would come over and chat. To date, this is considered the best "mouse trap" for getting men.
However, based on my studies I have seen this work about 5 - 8% of the time. Thus 95 to 92% of the time the guy never approaches. I am sorry, but staring is NOT the best mouse trap if the best it can do is get an 8% success rate. Do you agree?
So a few years ago, I racked my brain for something simple that would warrant action from men. Boom! Here it is!
WAVE AT THE GUY!
Now before you think I am crazy, let me explain. If you wave, it forces him to do something. He can either cower in the corner, smile, or wave back. If you want, you can then wave for him to come over.
Why is this fantastic?
1. Shows you are confident (Confidence is rated the #1 Sexiest Characteristic of the Opposite Sex)
2. Men are afraid of rejection - This removes this fear and communicates you 100% would like to be approached
What are the results of the wave?
85% of wavers get a reaction. I am not saying 85% is favorable. But, 85% of the time the waver knew where she stood with the guy based on his reaction.
You can do this at a bar, at the grocery store, on public transit, literally everywhere. If you are shy and scared, try and get over it. This will work. Try New Things. I have tried this thousands of times, via myself, clients, and friends, it is leaps and bounds more successful than the stare.
Have some fun, wave at a stranger, be playful, and have a conversation and see if you have some similar interests. (At a minimum you at least know you are attracted to the person)
Okay, no more reading, Go Get'em Tiger!
I was listening to the song, Next Boyfriend, by Lauren Alaina and everything about it resonated with what I am trying to teach. Here are some of the lyrics:
You look a lot like my next boyfriend I can't believe how much you act like him You and me, we'd be unbelievable And I'm available No, I don't think it's a coincidence I put it all together, it makes sense Boy, you ain't no fling or a could've been You look a lot like my next boyfriend
First, "you look a lot like my next boyfriend". This resonated because to me it speaks about how a man treats you. It doesn't matter if you have the title, are on your first date or have been dating for 6 months. How does he treat you? Does he treat you how you want to be treated? If he doesn't, have you told him what you expect?
Next, "you and me, we'd be unbelievable and I'm available." I love this. There is zero insecurity, zero confusion. "I'm available." That is confidence and honesty personified. No hard to get, no games, just openness.
In terms of men that are looking for life partners, they are looking for honesty, confidence, and strong communication. When you can articulate what you want, you are also communicating that you are equipped to navigate tough conversations, like where to live, finances, and other potentially difficult sit downs that come up when joining two lives.
Finally, so many "experts" talk about making yourself less available and yes, that can work. But every scientific study discusses how the sexiest/most desirable trait in the opposite sex is confidence. So instead of worrying about your availability, how about focusing on confidence and if you know you want something, stating it.
Flirting with men via text is no simple task. There’s a fine line between what you write and how it’s received. When that line is crossed, it’s often because of some misinterpretation of what was said by either him or you.
The biggest reason for these miscommunications is men and women text in different ways. From personal experience, I find men prefer to use texting purely for logistics. Women, on the other can, can carry on high-quality conversations via text.
Basically it’s like a doctor (women) trying to hold a conversation with a 5th grader (men). It's hard for the 5th grader to keep up.
To help my female clients hone their flirting skills when they text, I recommend a few ways to start a conversation that he will want to continue. Hopefully these guidelines help you the next time you want to start a flirtatious digital conversation with your man.
1. Tell them they’re manly
Men love it when women point out a physically masculine characteristic of theirs. It makes them feel strong and primal. It also makes them feel like they are the protector.
Example: “I want your big arms around me right now"
2. Create a mental image
Although most men aren’t great conversationalists via text, they do have a creative imagination. Text them something that will get their mind racing and their heart pumping. That will get them excited to keep the conversation going and schedule the next date ASAP.
Example:
He says “What are you up to?”
You respond: "I’m about to jump in the shower and then I’m meeting up with my girlfriends later"
This evokes a mental image and also demonstrates you are on demand, giving him even more reason to schedule the next date soon.
3. Send a picture
Picture messages allow for fun and easy texting conversation. They’re a great way to start things off and keep them going. And no, we're not talking about nudes.
Example: "This sweater would look sexy on you" (Include pic)
This could be a nice sweater, which would start the conversation with a compliment, or it could be an ugly sweater, which would start a fun/flirty conversation. Either way he's more likely to respond to an image than words.
4. Talk about food
Men love food. They love to eat it and talk about it. If you mention a meal you just had, he will probably want to know what restaurant you ate at and what you ordered. This also will also clue him into what food you like and what kinds of places you like to go.
Example: "I just had the most amazing dinner, you would have loved it"
PHDs, you now have more ammunition to school the 5th graders. Happy texting!
