We all go on so many first dates. Most of them are not great. However, every once in awhile the date goes very well. You get home, you start thinking about the person and begin to see how your life could be different with them in it. You have feelings of butterflies, excitement, and curiosity about whether this person could be something great.
However, soon after, you start to wonder, should I call the person, should I text, will he reach out to me? Ah!!!!!! What should you do?
First, you need to have a process on whether this person truly has the qualities you need in a life partner. This process can be found here. No willy-nilly dating here. We only focus our time on men that meet the standard we know we need!
Now, assuming he has the traits YOU NEED. The next step is super simple.
Do absolutely NOTHING.
Don't over think it, don't text him. Do NOTHING.
Why are you doing this?
The man's actions after early relationship dating will tell you all the story you need to know about whether he likes you or not.
If he texts/calls you within 48 hours, things are looking promising. If he asks you out again within 48 hours, this is a good sign.
If a man is interested in you, he will move hell and high water to get to you. You need not do anything. He is coming for you if interested.
If for some reason he doesn't reach out, don't be insulted and try to not to get upset. This decisions to not reach out has NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU PERSONALLY.
He is not interested simply because he is looking for something different. The something different could be a million things but here is a few examples
1. He wants sex and realizes you want a relationship
2. Wants someone who is athletic, you are more of a book person
3. Prefers a woman who is curvy, you have a skinny tennis body
4. He only dates circus clowns :)
5. This list could go forever
My point is simple. When you like someone and they don't like you back it is easy to think something is wrong with you. However, that is 100% not the case. The person is simply looking for something different. You are fantastic in your own right. This guy is the wrong guy for you. Every pot has a lid. This is not your lid, time to keep searching.
But, every time you meet someone promising, remember, just do NOTHING after the 1st date. He is going to tell you everything you need to know by how and when he pursues you.
Happy Dating Ladies and Gentleman. I look forward to hearing your success stories. If you are reading my blogs and noticed I missed a topic, please email me your questions at datingcoachmike@gmail.com
During my online dating days, one of my biggest frustrations was communicating electronically with people for extended periods of time.
The back-and-forth messaging went on for days and I was never quite sure if the other person liked me or not. I also wasn’t a very witty or charming writer, which gave people who were a huge advantage over me.
I did feel, however, that I was a personable date once we met face-to-face, so I had to figure out a way to go from chatting online to meeting for the first date quickly.
Here’s how you do it.
(The following advice is strictly for women. My advice for men is entirely different.)
"Thanks for messaging me. (Answer whatever question he asked in 1-2 sentences). I'm not huge on chatting online. I would rather meet in person to see if there's any chemistry. When you get a free moment, let me know if you want to grab a drink sometime?"
This approach may seem a little forward, but it isn’t.
Men love a strong confident woman who goes after what she wants. Don't be timid. If you want to meet a guy, ask him. After the first date, go back to waiting for him to ask you out. That way you quickly figure out if he’s truly interested in you.
On a side note, men hate chatting online too. The reason they do it is because they think most women prefer it. If you take the initiative you’ll make his life better by getting both of you out of digital purgatory and into real world dating.
If you’ve recently been on a first date, odds are you’ve already made a decision on whether or not to go out on a second one. This makes sense. First impressions are vital after all.
But before you reject or accept the next person based solely on your gut instinct, consider focusing on exactly what you need/want in a life partner. Here’s a great three-step system I use with my clients to help them to decide who gets a second date and who doesn’t.
Step 1. Build a list of anything and everything you want in a partner. Go wild. This list should be 20 items or more. Examples include: Good looking, great communicator, positive attitude, trust worthy, passionate about work, sense of humor, caring, thoughtful, loves animals, family oriented, etc.
Step 2. Cross out any quality you do NOT possess.
Step 3. Rank the remaining qualities based on importance from 1-5.
After your next first date, check the list. If your date has the 5 qualities you care about most, go on a second date. If they don’t, move onto the next suitor.
There’s a lot more that goes into this process than that. But the point of system is to ensure you date based on the characteristics you need in your life partner—IE your non-negotiables.
The list is also fluid and editable. If you’re dating someone and realize there’s a must-have quality not on the list, add it and remove the least needed quality.
This will help ensure you’re dating the right people for the right reasons and not wasting your time on someone who won’t make you happy long term.
