So many experts are clamoring about whether to make yourself busy or be available. Each one gives opposing advice which practically makes it impossible to definitively know which approach is best. Thus, I am going to attempt to lay out the answer in the most clear, precise, and actionable way possible.
First, whether you are in a relationship or single, build the best possible life for yourself. What does that mean?
Have balance between the 6 pillars of Happiness.
Most importantly, realize that one person is not going to be able to provide you with everything you need.
So back to the question at hand, should you be busy or available?
The answer is you need to build a lifestyle that is attractive. If you have your health, family/friends, are smart, have your job and finances in order, all while maintaining an active social life you will be extremely attractive to suitors.
Now, once you have the infrastructure in place, if a guy asks you out and you are free, go on the date. If you are not free, but are interested, say, "Thank you so much for asking me out. I would absolutely love to go. Unfortunately, I have plans. But, I am free next Tuesday or Thursday at 8PM if either of those work for you?"
Key Points: If you reject a man's initial date, you must offer SPECIFIC times to make the date happen. Men are not mind readers and if you reject the first date they may think you are not interested. If you are not interested, they move to a girl that is.
In order to drive home the point, dating shouldn't be about games (pretending to busy). It is about building a great life for yourself, attempting to find someone worthy to share it with, and finally effectively communicating with suitors so they constantly and consistently know where they stand.
I have now been both a panelist and audience member of The Great Love Debate. Brian Howie, the host, who is both wildly entertaining and well informed on the dynamics of the modern dating world proclaims after 200 shows that "women want men to try harder, and men want women to make it easier".
Let me give an example of how women could make it easier.
1. At the end of a great first date, say, "I had an amazing time, I hope I get to see you again."
Why is this important?
After a first date I suggest not reaching out to see if he contacts you to setup a 2nd date. All men are afraid of rejection and some may not ask you on a 2nd date because they may think you had a bad time on the first date. Saying the statement above removes all ambiguity and makes it abundantly clear that you had fun and still allows the man to hunt his woman and setup the 2nd date.
Let me give examples of how men could try harder.
1. Pay for the bill, open the door, pull out a chair, pick a nice/convenient location for 1st date, calling over texting, bring flowers to a date, and compliment on how pretty you look.
Why do some women remain single even after meeting men with the above qualities?
When a man does all the things listed above he is trying really hard and in many cases is looking for a relationship. However, some women will brush all these good qualities aside and refuses a 2nd date because there wasn't instant chemistry.
I do not hate the idea of getting rid of a man for zero chemistry. I actually fully endorse it. However, I hate the idea of doing it after only one date. If a woman banished a man after date 4 or 5 for no chemistry well that is something I can get behind.
To sum everything up, make it easier for men and don't be so quick to toss the good ones back into the dating pool.
