I see thousands of first conversations. They happen when I am running speed dates or bringing clients out into the field or at networking events. Every day, millions of people are having a first conversation. For many people, this is something that they struggle with. Whether it’s some social anxiety, a natural inclination to introspectiveness or that you don’t know how best to showcase yourself, holding conversations can be difficult for some people. Now add to the fact that it’s someone that you’re interested in and your synapses and hormones are caroming everywhere. It can be a nerve-wracking affair! So here are some tips to help get that first conversation off to a roaring start!
1. Ask positive emotional questions
In order to stand out and create some great chemistry, avoid the normal, logical, “dating interview” questions like, “Where are you from,” “What do you do,” and “Where did you go to school.” We’ve all had to ask and answer those questions thousands of times. Boring! Instead, learn to ask them emotionally. This will make them remember happy moments, feel happy and intertwine you with their positive feelings.
Examples:
2. Have stories that illustrate your best qualities
There are masculine and feminine energies. Everyone should have a mix of both. Some examples of masculine traits/energies are: risk taking, assertiveness and competitiveness. A few samples of feminine traits/energies are: nurturing, sociability and empathy. You want to make sure that you showcase these characteristics as they are some of the things that men (unknowingly or not) are looking for. I am NOT saying to downplay any aspect of you, just to bring these energies to the forefront. And like anything, don’t list, describe. Instead of saying you’re compassionate, tell a story where your compassion takes center stage.
3. Compliment men correctly
We all like compliments! They make us feel good and show that we are notices and appreciated by others. However, men and women are built differently so it would make sense that we should complement each other differently. Many of the compliments that mean a lot to women are based around physicality and beauty. “That is a beautiful dress!” “You’re looking lovely tonight!” And while, yes, it’s nice to know that you like the color of our shirt, it doesn’t affect us the same way. As men, we like to feel that we are capable, virile and respected. Tell us that we are strong, congratulate us on how we handled a difficult situation, compliment our skill at the pool table. These things will puff us up and make us feel needed and appreciated. I know that you can carry that box up the stairs because you are a strong and capable woman. However, if you say, “I know you’re strong, would you mind carrying this for me?” you’ll immediately tap into what makes us men!
4. Understand the man’s mind
On average, a woman speaks 30,000 words a day while men only use 10,000. That doesn’t mean that we don’t communicate, it’s just that we don’t use words as much. So when I have my male clients, I suggest they up their word game and when I coach women, I recommend that they truncate themselves a bit. Going into excessive detail responding to, “How was your day,” is not what a man is looking for. Save the deep delving for your close girlfriends. Instead, try and mirror how he talks. If he responds to a question with 5-7 sentences, keep your responses to 5-7 sentences. That way, you’ll keep his interest and leave him wanting more!
About Author
Hunt Ethridge is a Dating and Relationship expert who has helped hundreds of men and women over the last decade. He is the founder of International Dating Coach Association and has written over 100 articles across all mediums on the subject of dating and love. You can find more of Hunt's advice at HuntForAdvice.com.
There comes a time in many a woman's life where she no longer dates just to date. She knows what she wants and doesn't want to waste her makeup, give up her Saturday nights, or lose her beauty sleep until she finds it. She might date less in her search for happily-ever-after or she might date more in order to win at what she considers a numbers game. One thing is for sure: She doesn't want dating to be a boring process. She wants it to be fun! As a professional matchmaker who is spent countless hours getting date feedback from clients, I am certain that "fun" sometimes requires coming up with new date ideas.
Here are five worth considering................
The Breakfast/Brunch Date: Meet your date for breakfast or even better—brunch on a Sunday! I know some people think this is unromantic or something to do with your girlfriends, but for a first date, I think it is perfect. I mean, don’t get me wrong: I am totally game for getting all dressed up and going to a fancy restaurant for dinner. (And most women I know are too--for the right guy.) But there is also something very down to earth and refreshing about having eggs with someone, walking around a bit after, and getting on with your day! Of course, if you really hit it off and you live in a NYC or another city with an abundance of cool brunch parties-like those at Bagatelle or Zuma-you can stay and dance the day away.
The Improv Show: If you firmly believe in the adage that regards laughter as the best medicine, chances are you've had a date at a comedy club. While this old standby-with its two drink minimum-can be really fun, why not switch it up and try an improv show? Sometimes, when people aren't trying (as hard) to be funny, they are simply hysterical!
The Dinner Theater: Dinner and a movie just got an upgrade! After recently attending a dinner theater experience at Machiavelli's House in Tuscany-yes, the Machiavelli; yes, in Italy- I am convinced that dinner theater has the potential to be the best date ever! The food, the wine, the music, the scenery, and the audience participation make for a magical experience. Yes, it is hard to beat Tuscany, but you can try this in a city near you!
The Sporting Event: Sporting events are great for the early stages of dating, because guys feel comfortable in these venues. Whether you are out a baseball game, polo match, or the US Open, there is opportunity to have a lighthearted and fun time in a casual setting--complete with food, drinks, and excitement! Its never a bad idea to go somewhere where you can just let your hair down and enjoy getting to know each other.
The Class: The couple who learns together stays together! Whether you want to take a cooking class, trapeze lesson, or one of those pottery-making over wine classes that is springing up everywhere, you are sure to have a good time. Learning a new activity can be just the bonding experience you need to ignite a match or rekindle a flame. And, hey, even if it doesn't turn out to be a romantic connection, you just learned a new skill that made it worth your while.
Want to share a fun new date idea? Send me your favorites at Rachel@RachelRusso.com
About Your Author
Rachel Russo, MS, MFT is a Matchmaker, Dating & Relationship Coach, Author & Speaker. She has a master’s degree in Marriage & Family Therapy from Iona College, a BA in Psychology from Rutgers University, and a certification as an Intentional Relationship Coach. Rachel is the founder of Rachel Russo Relationships-a NYC-based dating and relationship consultancy-and has worked as a matchmaker for eleven years. Rachel is the author of two books: A Fab Job Guide To Become A Matchmaker and How To Get Over Your Ex: A Step By Step Guide To Mend A Broken Heart Italian American Style. Rachel has pretty much earned her PhD in men—many thanks to a reality-date-a-thon in which she went on ninety-two dates in one year and blogged about them.
More about Rachel at www.RachelRusso.com
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Self-worth is an absolutely amazing and necessary thing to have. We should do what works for us because it works for us! We are empowered, strong and capable. However, we do want to be able to attract members of the opposite sex and be found desirable. So for the ladies, we are going to shoot for the sweet spot in a Venn diagram!
1. Be True to Who You Are
I first came across this in high school. There was a really smart girl, on the honor roll, national honor society, etc. But when you hung out with her, she did this ditzy, aloof blonde thing. I guess she figured that it’s what the boys wanted, but for me, it was a total turn off. DON’T try to be what you think the men want. For one, you’re likely to be wrong. And secondly, it’s not authentic and can be seen through. Someone out there wants you for who you are. The more you hide it and disseminate, the harder it is for them to find you. If they can’t handle you (within reason, obviously) then they aren’t the one you should be spending time on.
2. Show Interest but Make us Work
We all value what we earn more than what is given to us. So when we have to work for something, it automatically becomes more valuable. However, many men are gun-shy because of all of the rejections that add up. Even the most successful guy has more failures than successes. So you are absolutely encouraged to let the guy know that you like him and that he won’t be rejected. Coyly meeting his eyes, bold eye contact or even just walking up and talking to him all work. But don’t make it too easy on him! He must show that he’s willing to work for you! So after you talk to him for a bit, tell him that you’re going to go back and speak with your friends, but to come find you later. That way, he knows that he can approach you but he still has to work for your attention.
3. Tap Into Your Feminine Qualities/Energies
This one is tough sometimes for NYC women, especially the powerful ones. When I speak about this, many women get huffy and think that I mean, “Dim your star.” Not at all! In no way should you lessen yourself. However, there are masculine energies and feminine energies. The best people have a good mix of both. But for many of these powerful and awesome NYC-area women, they try and use what has worked for them professionally in their romantic lives and it just doesn’t translate well. For instance, aggressiveness, a strong handshake, competitiveness and cocky are masculine traits. These work great in the boardroom but not so much on a date. A man doesn’t want to date a business woman. He wants to date a woman that is also successful in business. It’s a small but vital shift. Instead, on dates, showcase your nurturing, sensitivity, compassion, eloquence and caring. These are the traits love in a woman and do not lessen you in any way. You’re just shifting away from you “business facet” into your “dating facet.” You’ll be amazed at the difference it makes in how the man views you!
About The Author:
Hunt Ethridge is a Dating and Relationship expert who has helped hundreds of men and women over the last decade. He is the founder of International Dating Coach Association and has written over 100 articles across all mediums on the subject of dating and love. You can find more of Hunt's advice at HuntForAdvice.com.
