Meeting men during the different phases of your life can vary from being incredible easy to rather difficult. However, at most phases of your life, you are looking for quality over quantity which can certainly be a very daunting task.
But, let me show you how to do it for folks 21-75.
Step 1
In my humble opinion I think the first step is defining what a QUALITY guy looks like for you. I would accomplish this by making a list of every possibly quality you want in a man. Next, I would shrink the list to your top 5 qualities. Now, moving forward you will only pursue men that have your top 5. After a first date, you will look at your list and if the guy has your 5, you will agree to a 2nd date, if he doesn't have your 5, then he won't' qualify for a 2nd date. Easy peezy right!?
Step 2
Now that you have a quality man defined, it is time to figure out how you want to meet this guy. As far as I can tell there is almost an unlimited way to meet men. Some examples: Grocery shopping, ice skating, workout classes, online dating, through friends, religious organizations, meetup groups, Brazilian jui jitsui, running groups, travel groups, and the list goes on for some time. Which one of these methods excites you?
If the list is daunting and you don't know what to do, let me put you into 1 of 2 categories.
Category
1 - Introverted or Just Prefer to Meet Men In the Comfort of Your Home
2 - Extroverted and Prefer to Meet Guys In Person
If you are category 1. I would highly suggest rocking online dating. If you are going to do online dating, I would suggest doing it my way. My was is the most efficient and successful strategy in the country. If this is interesting to you, buckle up, because I am going to rock your world with this.
If you don't want to do online dating, no big deal. Shoot down to my ideas for category 2 folks.
But, if you want to do online dating, HERE WE GO!
Okay, first off. If you are going to do anything, you should do it in the most efficient manner possible. Time is wildly valuable and if you are inefficient than you are wasting your valuable time. That is why I researched and eventually built the most efficient system possible.
Now, to be efficient you need to have a competitive advantage. A competitive advantage will come by doing something that most people are not doing. The activity I am speaking about is mass messaging from a traditional online dating site. For example, if you create a match account and start messaging men.
Most women either DO NOT message men or message a few a month. These metrics are way too low. In order to have a competitive advantage, you need to message at least 50 men in a week.
You are probably thinking, "Mike, how is this efficient? I am going to find 50 guys I am interested by spending a ton of time and then I am going to have think of a great message to send to them. This is crazy time consuming."
You would be 100% right if you did it that way. My suggestion is to copy and paste a message to the first 50 guys that look decent.
Then, when the guys reply to your message research their profiles, photos, messages, and determine which guys makes sense for you.
Why does this work?
What I have found is that when you send 50 messages, on average 12 men will be interested in you. From that 12, I want you to select 1 to go on a date with that week.
Now imagine, if you had 12 guys that wanted to date you every single week and your job was to simply pick 1. Don't you think that 1 date each week would be pretty good?
Oh baby, yes, it will be a great date! Using this system my clients only need to meet 6-8 guys to find someone they like.
Pretty awesome right?
We call that 50-12-1. In my opinion it is the only way to do online dating. It gives you more options and allows you to pick out quality men quickly.
Now, sometimes 50 doesn't produce 12. In that case send 100, 150, or even 200. If you can't get 12 from 200 then either your pictures, profile, or location you live is really hurting you. You may want to look into fixing one or all of those.
Alright, let's move on. Online dating is not for everyone.
So Category 2 folks that want to meet men in person, let's have some fun and get you out there.
How fun is this going to be?
First, pick something you enjoy doing OR better yet picking some activity you want to learn and that you are not good at yet.
Now you are probably thinking, "why something I am not good at?"
Great question my friend! When you are doing the activity and struggling you can turn to the nice guy next to you and ask him for help. While he helps you, perhaps you start to build a connection, or at the very least you can give him appreciation for his help and make him feel needed by you. (Men gravitate towards women that make them feel needed)
Okay, nice work. So there you have it. You got 2 massive categories on how you can meet men. Feel free to pick the category you enjoy most or if you are a switch hitter, start meeting men in both categories.
Alright beautiful lady, you got all the tools to make it happen. Go out there and get it done!
It is natural for you to feel a bit of uncertainty when it comes to your relationship. Maybe you've been hurt before or maybe it just doesn't feel like a fairytale romance that is portrayed in the movies. Whatever the reason, before long, these doubts leave you asking yourself, "How do I know that he's the right guy for me?"
You start to worry that if you are having doubts, that must mean that he isn't the one. If he is your soul mate, shouldn't you just know? Shouldn't everything be perfect?
In response to these thoughts and fears, we can have a number of different reactions. These reactions are completely normal and very common but they will often cause more issues in the relationship. Women might rush into a commitment to help rid themselves of all of the uncertainty. Rushing into a commitment before you're ready can lead to disaster. It might feel instinctual to hold tightly onto something so you won't lose it but this can often have the opposite effect.
Men, on the other hand, tend to pull away in response to these feelings. When women see men pulling away for them, they often times will panic or blame themselves. This can lead to them beating themselves up and obsessing over all of the details. Often worried that they did something wrong, they will reach out to the man to try to figure out what happened. These insecurities can be read as neediness by the man, and BANG! ...They pull away even more.
We all have insecurities in many areas of our lives and relationships are no exception! It is important to try to worry less and trust more. DON'T PANIC! Trust your heart.
Another important thing to remember is that life isn't a movie. You aren't going to run into his arms in slow motion. There isn't going to be a montage of perfect little moments. He isn't going to speak to you in poetry that makes your heart soar. The only thing that is guaranteed in love is that it isn't going to be perfect. But that's what love is... Sometimes, it's saying and doing the wrong thing and sometimes it's messy. Love is perfectly imperfect and the right one for you will be there with you through it all.
Maybe you'll have an aha moment or maybe it will be a collection of moments that show you what you need to know. When you look to the future, you can't picture it without him. That's how you know your guys is the right guy for you.
Want to learn more about this topic? Watch this video for great insights from John Gray, author of "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus":
Wondering if you would be a good fit for coaching with me? Book A complimentary 15 minute strategy session with me HERE and find out. Let's get you a high quality man that will be yours forever.
By the time I was 23, I had given up on love. That might sound melodramatic, but it’s true. Already I’d had my heart broken once and been through an epically awful breakup. When it came to dating, I was done.
Taking myself out of the game made me feel safe. I decided that my chances were over, and it was better not to hope for love at all.
Yet at the time I made this resolution, I’d already met the man who would become my husband. At 23, I swore off love, and at 24, I was happily married.
What happened? The short version is, I learned to look at people differently. I gained confidence to see beneath the surface, to prize integrity over drama.
Without further ado, here are my top 5 ways to tell if the guy you’re dating is the real deal.
1. He treats other people with kindness and respect.
Notice that this is about how he treats others, not you.
While of course how he treats you is important, in the beginning of a romantic relationship both people tend to be on their best behavior towards one another.
It’s easy to get a great first impression, to fall in love with someone who treats you like royalty for a little while.
But if you want to know how this guy is going to treat you over the course of a lifetime, look at how he treats other people. Sooner or later, that’ll be you on the receiving end of that behavior.
A big part of why I fell in love with my husband was how he treated the adults with special needs who were our housemates at the time. He treated them with respect and dignity, and that meant a lot to me.
Is your guy’s tone harsh and cutting when he speaks to his parents? Is he rude to the waiter? To quote Dave Barry, “A person who is nice to you, but not nice to the waiter, is not a nice person.”
2. He is patient.
Not to go all Biblical on you here, but there’s a reason that the first line of that popular passage in First Corinthians chapter 13 is, “Love is patient.”
Is the guy you’re dating patient? Does he bear with you when you forget your coat and need to run back, or does he scowl? Does he freak out during a subway delay, or does he make the best of it?
Patience is what enables you to bear with each other in your faults and foibles.
My husband was patient in his love for me. He took time getting to know me before making a move; he showed respect, so much so that at first I thought he wasn’t interested in me!
At the time I was much more familiar with guys who wanted the whirlwind romance. But when you find someone who’s worth your time, you’re willing to go at a steady pace.
3. He shows up on time.
This might sound minor, but it’s major. Showing up on time demonstrates respect for you and the kind of self-governance that will help you both in your life together.
If the guy you’re dating is always running late, it means that he doesn’t have a handle on his own commitments. Conversely, if he tends to show up when he says he will, that’s very promising.
4. He is willing to face reality head-on.
When we were getting engaged, my now-husband asked me, “What are your outstanding debts? Do you have any prior felony convictions?” I laughed, but he was dead serious.
He wanted to go into marriage with eyes wide open. He wanted to know how much I owed on my student loan, because he understood that paying it back was an effort we’d undertake together.
Look for indications that the guy you’re dating is willing to face reality, particularly in the area of finances. If he has no idea how much money he owes, that’s a problem. If he is paying down debt and budgeting and spending consciously, that’s great.
5. He supports your dreams in visible ways.
It’s easy to give lip service and play the supportive role: “Sure, of course you should go for that dream job!” What’s much harder is offering the kind of practical help that makes dreams reality.
So, ask yourself: does the guy I’m dating support my dreams in tangible ways?
Does he show up at your art gallery opening, or does he flake out? Does he encourage you to go to bed early before a big event, or does he subtly sabotage your success by begging you to stay up late?
When my husband suggested that we convert one of the rooms in the historic home he owned into a writing room to support my dream of authorship, I knew I was a fortunate woman.
“Everyday Life in Utopia”
I love this phrase from Gretchen Rubin’s book Happier at Home: Everyday life in utopia. If your guy is the real deal, that’s what you get to experience.
Of course, this doesn’t mean that your shared life will be perfect. You and your partner are human, so sometimes you’ll fight and get on each other’s nerves and forget to buy bananas at the grocery store.
Even people who are “the real deal” go through hard times. (Just last week, I had no bananas for breakfast. Come on!)
Seriously though, if you share enough of life with someone, you will go through some dark times. You will struggle. You will feel the truth of that great line from The Princess Bride: “Life is pain, highness, and anyone who says differently is selling something.”
And yet – if you choose someone who is the real deal – there will be so much goodness in store for you too. You will also get to look across the table at the guy you love and think: thank you, thank you, thank you.
That’s my wish for you: gratitude, and the confidence that comes with choosing well.
Caroline Garnet McGraw is the creator of the free video interview series The Confidence Course: How to Defeat Self-Doubt, Trade Perfectionism for Possibility, and Live Your Dreams.
It's a free crash-course in confidence from people who are giving back and playing big, and I’m honored to be one of the 33 all-star speakers!
The roster includes Olympic Gold medalist Samantha Arsenault Livingstone, #1 New York Times bestselling author and TED speaker Adam Grant, double-platinum, ARIA award-winning musician Ben Lee, and of course the owner of this website, Your EZ Dating Coach, Mike Goldstein.
During this series on Dating, Relationships, and Confidence, you’ll learn …
The vital importance of showing up as the real you, which is the foundation of all confidence
Why keeping a list of 5 essential qualities you're looking for can save you time and heartache
One practical way to re-structure your requests for your partner
How to shift your mindset from impressing people to really engaging with them
The mental hack that allows you to find common ground and let go of social anxiety
And much more...
This high-caliber online event launches on Monday, January 29th; attend for free using this link: https://awishcomeclear.com/TheConfidenceCourseSeries/2z5v
