When you are upset and love someone, emotions are high and it can be very difficult to have a calm rational discussion. For most of us, logic goes out the window, defenses kick in and listening, understanding, and real solutions rarely take place.
In my opinion, once the train is off the tracks it is very difficult to re-rail it. Unfortunately, you just need to let the crash happen and then pick up the pieces after. However, many of these train collisions can be easily avoided.
Here are the steps:
1. Disregard Fights on Topics That Are Not Important - Life is too short, Enjoy each other
2. If you must Fight, If the topic is Not Important, Even if you know you are right, tell the other person they are right and let them "win"
3. Discuss Plans to Avoid Fights (Perform this When Happy With Each Other)
For example: When I get mad, I need to be far away from the person and when I am ready to chat with that person, my emotions will be back at normal levels and I will be able to have a loving conversation. Thus, if I notice I am getting mad, I will tell my gf, "I love you, I am getting upset, I am going to head to the gym and once I cool down we can discuss this"
If I told her this in the midst of an argument, she would probably not be happy that I was leaving while she wants to talk. Fortunately, we have discussed prior to our fight that I am not capable of being her loving, caring, active listening boyfriend when I am mad. Thus, she knows it is best for both of us if she waits to have our hard conversations when I am more open to truly listening to her.
Another example of a fight I have had is the following: My girlfriend hates when I look at my phone during our quality time together. I totally agree with her that my behavior is annoying but unfortunately it is a habit at this point. But, together we came up with a solution.
If she is really getting bothered by it, she is going to ask me to have the 10 foot rule. This means I put my phone 10 feet away and thus will only go get it if I truly need it for something, not to google why glue doesn't stick inside the container.
On her side, if she sees me using my phone, she will occasionally pick hers up and read articles. These two solution for the phone are new so I will keep you posted if they work.
In order to reiterate, attempt to have serious discussions only when both parties are in the right mental state to have the discussion, avoid fighting on minute topics, and finally if a fight happens on an inconsequential topic let the other person "win".
During my online dating days, one of my biggest frustrations was communicating electronically with people for extended periods of time.
The back-and-forth messaging went on for days and I was never quite sure if the other person liked me or not. I also wasn’t a very witty or charming writer, which gave people who were a huge advantage over me.
I did feel, however, that I was a personable date once we met face-to-face, so I had to figure out a way to go from chatting online to meeting for the first date quickly.
Here’s how you do it.
(The following advice is strictly for women. My advice for men is entirely different.)
"Thanks for messaging me. (Answer whatever question he asked in 1-2 sentences). I'm not huge on chatting online. I would rather meet in person to see if there's any chemistry. When you get a free moment, let me know if you want to grab a drink sometime?"
This approach may seem a little forward, but it isn’t.
Men love a strong confident woman who goes after what she wants. Don't be timid. If you want to meet a guy, ask him. After the first date, go back to waiting for him to ask you out. That way you quickly figure out if he’s truly interested in you.
On a side note, men hate chatting online too. The reason they do it is because they think most women prefer it. If you take the initiative you’ll make his life better by getting both of you out of digital purgatory and into real world dating.
The best resume gets the job interview. Online dating is no different. The best profile gets the date.
There are a couple key differentiators between the 95% of online profiles, which are not getting optimal results, and the 5% that get 10 to 20 times more communication.
Here’s how you can optimize your online profile:
1. BE SPECIFIC!
2. Don’t talk about previous relationships
3. Be positive
4. Be honest
I highlighted Be Specific because that is the moneymaker. When men look at a profile they want something to send a message about. If you write, “I have a yellow lab named Clover who I walk in central park every morning,” you’re doing two things:
1. You’re telling them something specific about yourself they can relate to
2. You’re giving them an opportunity to message you about a subject they feel comfortable discussing
For example, the typical man might write back something like, “I love labs too. I actually have a black lab named Laddie, who just turned 7. How old is your dog?”
Boom! Conversation started.
What Else is Important in an Online Dating Profile?
Tell the world what you enjoy doing and paint a picture of what your life looks like. If you bike ride every day, make sure you say that. If you like painting, mention that. The point is attracting people with similar interests as you and avoiding people who don't share your interests.
Of course you will still receive messages from men that don't read profiles. But your high quality profile will also attract men serious about finding love. They are the ones analyzing and evaluating your profile based on their interests and they are the ones you want to meet.
