Have you ever went on three dates with a great guy, like Nathan? The conversation flows, he is respectful, charming, and you even feel some butterflies when you think about him. More than that, you have start picturing what a life together could be. How exciting! But wait, out of nowhere, the calls, the texts, they all stop. He must have turned into a ghost, because he has fully disappeared!
What should you do?
I want you to send him 100 text messages in a row. Just kidding, don't do that!
However, I am about to give you the best and easiest advice I have ever given. I want you to do nothing. Let's see if he reaches out. If he does, great, respond like you normally would. If he doesn't well I guess he is not interested.
When I say not interested, I mean to say, he is not looking for what you are offering. It doesn't mean you aren't great, good enough for him, or a wonderful person. It simply means he is looking for something different. Be happy he has figured this out after only three dates instead of after 9 months of dating. Thankfully he has saved both of you a lot of time.
If you ever see this guy at the gym or grocery store make sure to be friendly and grateful that he was courteous enough to cut things off early rather than waste your time. Also, if you are still single when you see him PLEASE PLEASE have no shame to your game and do the following.
Say something like, "Hey, great to see you. You know, I thought you were a really great guy. Obviously, you weren't interested which is perfectly fine, but by any chance do you have any single friends that are just as great as you?"
Why is this the best two sentences ever?
1. You are complimenting someone (Good deed for the day #Done)
2. You know this guy has some of the qualities you want, I bet one of his friends has even more of the qualities you need. You are asking for a referral from someone who probably has access to someone who will be high quality.
Do you remember when Kobe Bryant cheated on his wife with some 19 year old girl? He was accused of rape, was later found innocent, but was definitely guilty of adultery. Obviously, his wife, and mother of their 6 year old daughter was furious. In order to apologize, Kobe's grand gesture was a 4 million dollar diamond ring. The wife ended up staying with Kobe Bryant.
However, there is a lot more to grand gestures than meets the eye.
I believe in a given year, men and women are both looking for their love interest to accrue 100 points. But, men and women keep score 100% differently than each other.
Women will tally gestures 1 point at a time.
Men will tally gestures anywhere from 1 -20 points at a time.
Thus, when Kobe gave his wife a 4M dollar diamond he only earned 1 point. But, when his wife stayed with him after such a horrible event, I bet she earned 20 points. She had just proved to her man she is not going anywhere and she was going to fight for their family. I am sure this must have meant a lot to Kobe.
Now, how to apply this to your life?
LADIES - Find out what is truly important to your men. If possible find out how you can help him on that matter.
For example, it is really important that I eat healthy throughout the week. I told this to my GF and she came over on a Sunday to help me cook healthy meals for the entire week. (She earned 7 Points for that!)
MEN - What should you do? Little gestures often and consistently. Never Give up.
Your lady wants to know that you care about her. Whether it be a nice text message, little note on her pillow, flowers, chocolates, or after she has a bad interview, words of encouragement. If you really want to be effective, I would suggest learning what your woman's love languages are. Once you know how she wants to be loved you can make sure your gestures are meaningful to her.
I am a dating coach located in greater Manhattan. Some of my successful female clients make 300K plus. Simple demographic data shows that most men make less than 300K. Does that mean because my clients are successful they should be limiting their dating pool to men who make 300K or more?
ABSOLUTELY NOT!
My clients didn't become successful to have less options. However, some men will be insecure to women that are more financially successful. When they meet this man, he is probably not the right guy for them.
The right guy will appreciate their success and look up to their work ethic and intelligence. They should not be afraid to toss a side the guy who can't accept who they are. Removing the guy will allow them to be available to someone who will treasure them "as is".
