There are few things in life that are more annoying to the relationship-oriented girl than a guy who isn’t texting her! As a Matchmaker, Dating & Relationship Coach, as well as a relationship-oriented female myself, I am both professionally and personally acquainted with how widespread and frustrating this behavior-or lack thereof-really is. Whether the guy who is guilty as charged is your boyfriend, the guy you’ve been casually dating, or the guy you hooked up with last night at the bar, you may find yourself feeling disappointed, depressed, angry, or anywhere in between. While everyone’s circumstances are unique, and there is no-one-size-fits-all approach that is guaranteed to get any guy chasing after you, here are the strategies that will be most successful.
Ignore The Guy
Its ironic that my friend and colleague, EZ Dating Coach, Mike Goldstein, just asked me to write about this topic, because I recently had the unpleasant experience of this happening to me! A guy (who I have quite some history with) was supposed to text me later on one day, and he never did. My solution? I ignored it, went on with my day, and responded to his text the next day by calling him on FaceTime— at a time when I knew I looked extra fabulous! I'll show him. While I’d like to think it was my good looks and charm that hooked my guy back in, I know it was really the way my ignoring his ignoring me re-captured his interest.
Because I fought the urge to hit him with a lengthy text or voice message calling him out on his bullshit, he was left wondering why I didn’t contact him! Did I notice? Did I care? What was I doing? Who was I with?** And then he wanted me. Of course, men always want what they have to chase! That is why ignoring a guy-though seemingly counter-intuitive- works like magic. By the way, after my “text offender” reached out to me and we chatted a bit, I, then, casually brought up his lack of texting. You didn’t think I was really going to let him get away with that, did you?
Ignoring the guy is definitely my favorite approach. Its really the only way we ladies can see if he is interested enough to pursue us. Since I believe that men-real men and not immature man- boys-will go after the woman they truly want, I like to sit back and let the man do the work—especially in the early stages of the relationship or at whatever stage the relationship could benefit from giving him the thrill of the chase. When you really like and/or have unbelievable chemistry with the guy, this is easier said than done. Obviously. You'll want to reach out to him and make things right!
If you need help fighting that strong desire to text him, you can either text a friend or draft a text that you’ll never actually send him. Sometimes just expressing your emotion is all you really need to find the calm in the midst of your relational chaos. Any type of healthy distraction can work too.
Text (Or Call) The Guy
I know. I know. Ignoring a guy may seem too 1950s housewife for some women. Yes, its 2016, and if that guy you’re into steps texting you, it is certainly appropriate for you to pick up the phone and call him. Note: If you are a millennial who is scared of the phone or are thinking that calling your guy might cause a heart attack, you can text him. Just know that if you send him a “crazy” novel-like text message, he will screenshot it and send to his friends. (Yes, guys do that too!) The point is: It’s fine, really. If he really likes you, it isn’t going to turn him off—providing you remain somewhat calm when interacting with him.
Before you contact him, think about the worst possible outcome. What if you pour your heart out via text and he doesn’t respond until forty-eight hours later? Or worse, what if he never responds? What if you call him, call him out, and he gets frustrated and hangs up on you? What if he shuts down and doesn’t talk to you for a week? Ever again? If you can handle the consequences-which may be you feeling rejected, since men usually get in touch when they want to-by all means, contact him.
Whether you ignore him or initiate contact, you will eventually find out the truth about why he stopped texting you. If you want to know where you stand sooner rather than later, calling or texting him will work for you.
And if you want to find a guy who would never stop texting you…….
Well, you could do that too!
For more about me and how I could help you find and keep him, check out my website at www.RachelRusso.com
Notes From Your EZ Dating Coach, Mike Goldstein:
I think Rachel had 2 points that are worth repeating
1. If you must text, understand what all the outcomes are so you are prepared
2. Do Nothing, the guy will reach out to you if he is interested
Men and women handle stress extremely differently.
Scientists have proven that men can only use one side of their brain at a time. Thus, if men work a long day, or do anything for consecutive hours, their brain/body requires rest. If men shut off one side of their brain and use the other side they will alleviate stress allowing their brain to rest and get back to "normal".
Thus, sometimes men are not texting because they are shutting things down for a little bit to reset the engine. It doesn't mean he doesn't like you, love you, or want you in his life. It may just mean he had a rough day and needs to watch SportsCenter to turn off his brain and do nothing.
On the opposite end of the spectrum, women have 10 times more transmitters between the left and right side of the brain than men do. Thus, women are constantly using both sides of their brain. When they have a stressful day, typically their best approach to regain normalcy is by talking through their stress with someone willing to actively listen.
Bottom Line: If the guy likes you, he will reach out when he is ready. If he creeps into his man cave, let him stay there and when he is ready to come out he will come find you.
Want more information on this topic, watch this video where I walk you through what to do when he stops texting you.
Finally, do you want my best FREE TRAINING?
FREE TRAINING:
In this life we know two things for sure. Your time on earth is limited and you will pay taxes. In today's article we are going to focus on time, more specifically how you can optimize your time so if you want to get married you are not wasting energy on men who are NOT right for you.
So how are you going to do this?
Let's discuss your first date strategy. Some women are going on first dates, keeping conversation PC, and hoping to get out of there with a guy that is intrigued, but not really getting or giving much information. Well, if you are serious about optimizing your love life this is not going to cut it.
A great first date should be light and fun but at the same time start answering many if not most of your questions on whether your date could potentially be a life partner.
Now, I am sure most of you are reading this and thinking I am crazy, and quite frankly you may be right. But, the reason I am coming off crazy is because most people don't realize they can get the information they need from their 1st date in a light and still fun first date way.
Let me show you:
My 5 Needs
1. Takes bad situations in stride - Positive attitude
2. Healthy Lifestyle
3. Can handle social situations / Not need me by her side the whole time
4. Challenges me/Supports me - Be able to learn from each other
5. Independent
So how do I figure out if my date has these qualities: (Numbers Correspond to the Numbers Above)
1. Ask person about their job? Are they excited or say something positive about their work? It is okay to not like your job but it is nice to hear some redeeming qualities about an activity that takes up so much time in a person's life.
2. What are your favorite foods? If answer is something unhealthy, ask, is that a cheat meal or is that your go to daily? Also, say, "you have a great body, what do you do to stay in shape?"
3. This may come in date 5, date 8, or maybe even later. But eventually you will want to bring someone to an event or to meet friends/family. Does your date need to cling onto you or can he mingle on his own?
4. Talk about what you do for work. Are they excited to ask you questions and learn more about what you do?
5. Ask, "What do you do for fun? What do you and your friends do together?" If your date has a big social life, doing a lot of activities he will probably want to maintain them even after you combine lives.
Have you ever been present when a couple fights? Was it extremely awkward? I was present for a close friend screaming back and forth with his girlfriend. I remember pondering, "Man, I wonder if these two are going to make it?"
Almost ten years later, they are happily married with a child which begs the question, "How are they solving conflicts now?"
My friend, not a dating expert, psychologist, or anything else relevant gave some pretty damn good advice. Check it out:
1. Stop Drinking Vodka
2. Don't Scream/Curse/Name-Call. It tends to make you the asshole even if you're right about the initial disagreement
3. Take your losses, you don't have to win every fight
4. When apologizing, don't follow with an excuse/explanation. Just Apologize
5. Give both parties time to cool down after a fight. Different people take different amounts of time to get over things.
6. Forgive and accept sincere apologies quickly. Don't be the asshole that holds grudges.
What do you think, good advice? Send me a message and let me know your thoughts.
