It is no secret that getting men to open up, show emotion, or talk about their feelings is basically the equivalent of getting the Red Sea to part. It is no easy task. For whatever reason, on average men use about 7,000 words per day while women use about 20,000. So based on this data point, it is clear on average men are less expressive than women. However, there is a way to get men to talk about their feelings. I wanted to outline that process for you today because nothing is sexier than a man who confidently expresses himself and is able to open up.
First,
1. Make A Safe Place For Him To Be Himself
No men is ever going to tell you what he is feeling until he knows you 1. are not going to judge him and 2. are going to accept him for whatever he says. You do this by telling him you are okay with all the things other women were not huge fans of.
For example, if he plays video games once a week, or watches some strange program on television the best thing you can do is encourage him to do these things. After he finishes he will remember how awesome you are, and how different you are from every other woman and hopefully reward you with date nights or at least step up and attempt to make you equally happy.
Step 2. When Both Parties are Upset/Sad - Ask him to share why he is feeling a certain way?
Men hate conflict. Men want women happy all the time. However, that is impossible. Everyone has a down day. But, when you are mad, he wants you to be happy. Tell him, "If you can explain what you are feeling/thinking that will make me feel better." You are challenging him to open up but are giving him a reward at the end of the tunnel. All he needs to do is explain his inner workings and you will start to feel better. Now, once he explains himself do number three.
Step 3. Tell Him, "I feel so much better now and feel great understanding you better"
He is thinking, wow that was easy. I talked for a little bit and all of a sudden we are not arguing. My girlfriend/wife is happy again. That was simple (Men love solving problems). Which leads us to:
Step 4. Appreciate him for being so open, vulnerable and tell him:
"You made me so happy that you are comfortable enough to share your feelings." -
Once again, keep re-enforcing his good behavior. It is vital that he fully understands that in the future if he share his emotions he will 1. be accepted for them, 2. be able to alleviate fights, and 3. be appreciated for his amazing communication skills.
There you have it ladies. You are never going to turn your husband into the communicator your best girlfriend is but with the 4 step process outlined above you can certainly positively reinforce your man into expressing his feelings in a far superior manner than what he may currently be doing.
I am sure you have already figured this out from all my other articles but men and women are entirely different. Men require independence, appreciation, affirmation, and acceptance in a healthy relationship while women need support, validation, understanding, and attention/affection. While of course these adjectives are not all encompassing they are good start for what we require in amazing relationships. In this article and video I want to focus on how women can compliment men to get the best results. You will be shocked that the way men want to be complimented is the exact opposite of how women want to be complimented. Here is a video illustrating this exact point:
So How Do You Compliment Men?
1. Compliment The Activity He Planned: Declare your happiness to him.
If he plans a date to go to a park. Say, "This park is amazing, I am having the best time with you."
If he takes you to a restaurant. "This salmon is amazing, thank you so much for taking me here. We are also having such a great conversation, I love spending time with you."
When he pulls your chair out for you. "You are such a gentleman. Holding chairs is a lost art but clearly not for you. Thank you so much."
Compliments That Are Less Effective on Men
1. Complimenting His Physical Appearance
"I love that shirt on you, you look amazing."
"I love your new haircut, you are so handsome."
Men will say thank you and maybe even smile to the compliments above but they will find the most happiness from knowing that they are needed and then appreciated by you. They will feel needed when they pull out your chair, needed when they find you the best restaurant, or needed when they pick a great park to walk around in. On top of that, they will feel appreciated when you compliment them on their great selection. So ladies make your man feel like a million bucks and compliment the activity not the man.
You have been dating the same guy for awhile. He has texted you daily, he has cooked you dinner, he has even had sex with you. But one day he disappears. He stops texting and calling.
Why did he do it?
Watch this video for the real answer that most dating coaches refuse to tell you.
In case, you can't do a video right now. Read Below:
It's time to tell you the truth. No one knows the specific reason "your guy" left. But, what I can tell you is something that can change your life. It certainly changed mine when I heard it for the first time.
"No one can you make you feel anything, you control how you feel." So if you are sad because your guy disappears, or you are depressed because it's winter and you haven't seen the sun in 5 months make the decision to feel happy.
What is the first step to accomplishing this?
Trick Your Brain.
Right Now, make a huge smile, try to be in a bad mood. You can't do it. You can't be in a bad mood with a huge smile on your face.
Second step, start changing your vocabulary. If someone asks, How are you?"
Say, "Amazing, phenomenal, I am having the best day of my life."
When you use these words, much like smiling for no reason, you will trick your brain. Pessimistic about my concept, try it for 21 days and report back. 21 days too long. Try it for one day. Let me know if it worked?
I can promise these little tricks will make your life a little sweeter.
