Different people speak different languages when it comes to love. The key is understanding what languages your partner speaks, then fulfilling them the right way.
My girlfriend, for example, wants to spend time with me while I just want her to tell me she loves me. Between dates at the beginning of our relationship I would constantly tell her how amazing she is and that I was crazy about her. Although she appreciated the words, it was more meaningful to her if I went into NYC on a Wednesday night for couples BYOB painting class. (Great date by the way!)
The point is, every person has different preferences when it comes to showing and receiving love. Below are 5 love languages discussed in a book I read by Gary Chapman to help you determine what your 2 primary languages are.
1. Words of Affirmation
Encouragement - friends says "I want to lose weight." You say, "If you decide to do it I know you will succeed because you are the kind of person who accomplishes goals."
Praise - "you did an excellent job"
Kind Words - what we say and manner in which we say it. Ex: "I love you vs. I love you?" People interpret our message by our tone of voice, not the words we use.
2. Physical Touch - Self explanatory
3. Quality Time
Sympathetic Listener -
Do: maintain eye contact, ask questions,
Don't: provide solutions, roll eyes, take person's topic and talk about how it relates to you
Express Understanding - "I can see how you would feel that way. If I were in your shoes, I'm sure I would feel the same way"
Ask If you could do anything helpful
4. Acts of Service
Do these things because you want to, not because you’re forced
5. Gifts
If you are a saver and your partner is a spender. You must spend as an investment in your love for her.
Next Steps:
I would suggest implementing the love languages by first determining what your parent’s are. Once you determine that, you can attempt to speak their language and see how it affects your relationship with them.
For example, if your father is words of affirmation, thank him for being an amazing dad the next time you speak to him and see how he reacts to your compliment.
Moving forward, I would suggest in all relationships (business, personal, or love) figure out what language the person speaks and attempt to fulfill those needs. In return watch all your relationships blossom.
by Mike Goldstein
Most women above the age of 28 that I meet are looking for love, marriage, and commitment. However, I consistently hear stories of these same wonderful women casually dating men and hoping at some point they will ask her to be monogamous. But, the guy never asks and the man gets to skirt through their relationship with no commitment. This usually carries on for a few months until the woman finally confronts the man and asks where this is headed.
The man squirms and says one of the following:
"I don't know"
"Let's see what happens"
"I like you, let's see"
and so on!
First off, I am sorry ladies when you have to deal with this. It stinks!
However, let me offer you an alternative to NEVER have to deal with this again. On the 2ND Date or even first date tell a man what you are looking for. Say with confidence, "My life is perfect, I have a great apartment in NYC, I have a secure job that I love. All I am missing is a life partner. I would like to find him and in the meantime I don't want to waste time with hook ups. What are you looking for?" - (Miss Confidence)
Wow, very powerful statement and question, RIGHT! This is extremely sexy from the male point of view. This woman has it together and knows what she wants. Assuming the man is attracted to her and wants the same things, he is going to pursue this woman. If the guy is not ready for commitment, he is most likely not going to ask her on a 2nd date.
Why will the guy who just wants a hook up not pursue a 2nd date?
Men are lazy, if they are just looking for a hook up, they will find a girl willing to provide that. They are not going to work extremely hard to impress Miss Confidence just for a sexual encounter. It is too much work and HOPEFULLY most men will realize she is focused on a goal and it would be EXTREMELY CRUEL to just hook up with a girl when she set her BOUNDARIES upfront. (Men can be cruel but most of them don't do it intentionally)
Moral of the story, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, tell men what you want. It is very sexy to confidently profess your dating goals. Moving forward, when dating this man, hold him accountable for your standard. If he can't meet them, there are plenty of men that will be ecstatic to be with you. #Next
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