I spent years coaching men who wanted a monogamous relationship that ended in marriage. One of the largest complaints from these men are women that play games via text or cancel dates. I thought this was quite a valid complaint. It is certainly frustrating for a men to spend quite a bit of time looking for a bar/restaurant that has the right ambiance, is the perfect distance from his date to appear he is not lazy (Placing it 2 blocks from his apt), not desperate (2 blocks from her apt), but considerate (about equal distance from both parties, perhaps a little closer to the lady).
So if you must cancel a date, what is the classy way to reschedule?
This can also be used in the business world with a few minor tweaks.
"I am sorry, I can no longer make tomorrow night at 8PM. However, I am really looking forward to our date. I could reschedule for Thursday or Tuesday of next week both at 8PM if either of those work for you?"
The key to cancelling a date and not making your guy wonder if you are still interested or not is to propose other times when you are free.
It is not acceptable to just apologize and go quiet and then just expect him to step up to the plate again. He did his job, he asked you out, he picked the time, location, and was ready to show up. Now if you are going to cancel, it is ideally your job to propose other times when you are free. Now let's say your guys responds with:
"I am free Thursday at 8PM"
The perfect response is:
"Wonderful, where would you like to meet?"
This is a great question whether rescheduling or setting up the first date. This allows women to ask for information they want (i.e. the location) but all the same time allows men to be men and plan the date by picking the location.
Easy Peasy! Now if you need to cancel, do so with the confidence that you are not sending mix messaging to the guy you are interested in.
Your Dating Coach,
Mike Goldstein
Ready to take your love life to the next level? Ready to step out of your comfort zone? Contact me today for a 100% FREE dating Strategy session. In the session we will uncover what your perfect dating life could look like, what your current dating life looks like, and finally why they are not one in the same. Contact me at datingcoachmike@gmail.com to setup your FREE Strategy Session.
Don't delay, at some point I won't have the luxury to do these meetings for FREE. You currently have nothing to lose!
Dear Mike,
"Are any of your dating articles geared to men and how they can be better at dating? Without men meeting us even 1/2 way, you can give women all the advice in the world and nothing will change." Preferred to remain Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
First, you are right 98% of my articles are geared towards women. I do this on purpose.
Fortunately, or unfortunately, depending on your perspective 90% of self improvement literature published is for women. The fact is, women are more willing to ask for advice, accept it, and even use it. Men for whatever reason, I am guessing ego, are not willing to ask for advice as often.
Thus it is a much better use of my time to give advice to a sex that is willing to read it and better yet, put it into practice.
However, it is not lost on me that 50% of the population is being left out on learning better dating skills. As far as I am concerned, that is an unacceptable percentage. Thus, I teach men indirectly. Any woman who becomes a client will learn the skills to communicate so effectively that the man who adores her will WANT to do What She Wants because of the appreciation he will receive for it.
I hate to say this, but since I am a man I think I am allowed. Men are as simple as Pavlov's dogs. If you remember the scientific study, basically a scientist would ring a bell then give the dogs a treat. He did this over and over again. Soon the dogs would start salivating just by hearing the bell because the bell signaled to the dogs a treat is coming.
Well women can do this with men, but most importantly do it in a way that is not sneaky but in a way that will leave her man entirely happy and excited that her woman is smart enough to understand the concept.
Let me give you an example, you are living with a man and it drives you crazy that he never hangs up the floor mat to dry off after taking a shower. This goes on for months. You politely remind him, "Please hang up the floor mat after a shower", you do this over and over again. However, he consistently forgets. Eventually, after multiple occurrences, you lose it and get into a big argument. He doesn't realize that the issue isn't about a floor mat, but is about him not listening to you and making you feel so unimportant that he can't do the littlest of things for you.
The man gets angry because he doesn't understand why he is being scolded over forgetting to hang a bath mat. He is thinking is this really a big deal?
The answer is simple, if he knew that you were feeling unheard and unimportant he would be sympathetic. Which in a roundabout way brings me to concept of more effective communication.
So how could you avoid this whole argument and build a much happier relationship all at the same time? Very simple. Tell your man this, "If you would hang up the bath mat, you would make me the happiest girl on the planet"
Then next time he hangs up the bath mat, go over to him, give him a huge hug and kiss, and say, "You handsome man! Thank you so much for hanging the bath mat". Now repeat this process for a few weeks or longer until he is consistently hanging up the bath mat.
Congratulations your man is now just as smart and likely just as happy a dog. His treat is the appreciation; your smile, the hug, the kiss, the feeling he gets that he can make you happy!
There is nothing sexier in a man's eyes than a woman who knows how to appreciate a man. I personally will go to hell and back for a woman's appreciation. This is how men are wired.
Ladies, I just gave you the superhuman power to control men. All you need to do is appreciate them for anything they do. You will now be able to get whatever you want. I urge you, please use your new found superpowers for good.
Also, anonymous, I hope you feel better about the fact that I am giving advice to women, but ultimately intend to help both sexes though relationship osmosis if you will.
Happy Dating,
Mike
If you need relationship advice, please contact me for a FREE chat.
Contact me at datingcoachmike@gmail.com
by Mike Goldstein
Most women above the age of 28 that I meet are looking for love, marriage, and commitment. However, I consistently hear stories of these same wonderful women casually dating men and hoping at some point they will ask her to be monogamous. But, the guy never asks and the man gets to skirt through their relationship with no commitment. This usually carries on for a few months until the woman finally confronts the man and asks where this is headed.
The man squirms and says one of the following:
"I don't know"
"Let's see what happens"
"I like you, let's see"
and so on!
First off, I am sorry ladies when you have to deal with this. It stinks!
However, let me offer you an alternative to NEVER have to deal with this again. On the 2ND Date or even first date tell a man what you are looking for. Say with confidence, "My life is perfect, I have a great apartment in NYC, I have a secure job that I love. All I am missing is a life partner. I would like to find him and in the meantime I don't want to waste time with hook ups. What are you looking for?" - (Miss Confidence)
Wow, very powerful statement and question, RIGHT! This is extremely sexy from the male point of view. This woman has it together and knows what she wants. Assuming the man is attracted to her and wants the same things, he is going to pursue this woman. If the guy is not ready for commitment, he is most likely not going to ask her on a 2nd date.
Why will the guy who just wants a hook up not pursue a 2nd date?
Men are lazy, if they are just looking for a hook up, they will find a girl willing to provide that. They are not going to work extremely hard to impress Miss Confidence just for a sexual encounter. It is too much work and HOPEFULLY most men will realize she is focused on a goal and it would be EXTREMELY CRUEL to just hook up with a girl when she set her BOUNDARIES upfront. (Men can be cruel but most of them don't do it intentionally)
Moral of the story, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, tell men what you want. It is very sexy to confidently profess your dating goals. Moving forward, when dating this man, hold him accountable for your standard. If he can't meet them, there are plenty of men that will be ecstatic to be with you. #Next
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