Different people speak different languages when it comes to love. The key is understanding what languages your partner speaks, then fulfilling them the right way.
My girlfriend, for example, wants to spend time with me while I just want her to tell me she loves me. Between dates at the beginning of our relationship I would constantly tell her how amazing she is and that I was crazy about her. Although she appreciated the words, it was more meaningful to her if I went into NYC on a Wednesday night for couples BYOB painting class. (Great date by the way!)
The point is, every person has different preferences when it comes to showing and receiving love. Below are 5 love languages discussed in a book I read by Gary Chapman to help you determine what your 2 primary languages are.
1. Words of Affirmation
Encouragement - friends says "I want to lose weight." You say, "If you decide to do it I know you will succeed because you are the kind of person who accomplishes goals."
Praise - "you did an excellent job"
Kind Words - what we say and manner in which we say it. Ex: "I love you vs. I love you?" People interpret our message by our tone of voice, not the words we use.
2. Physical Touch - Self explanatory
3. Quality Time
Sympathetic Listener -
Do: maintain eye contact, ask questions,
Don't: provide solutions, roll eyes, take person's topic and talk about how it relates to you
Express Understanding - "I can see how you would feel that way. If I were in your shoes, I'm sure I would feel the same way"
Ask If you could do anything helpful
4. Acts of Service
Do these things because you want to, not because you’re forced
5. Gifts
If you are a saver and your partner is a spender. You must spend as an investment in your love for her.
Next Steps:
I would suggest implementing the love languages by first determining what your parent’s are. Once you determine that, you can attempt to speak their language and see how it affects your relationship with them.
For example, if your father is words of affirmation, thank him for being an amazing dad the next time you speak to him and see how he reacts to your compliment.
Moving forward, I would suggest in all relationships (business, personal, or love) figure out what language the person speaks and attempt to fulfill those needs. In return watch all your relationships blossom.
I have a confession. I wrote a love letter to my girlfriend last night. Why did I write it? Simple. I had just spent the most amazing weekend with her. We rode our bikes over the Brooklyn Bridge, had lunch at Roberta's in Bushwhick, played mini-golf at Pier 25, and finally saw "The Martian" in 3D. We had a blast, and throughout the process I got to know her a lot better. The dates even made me care more about her.
Now, why am I telling you this? Also, simple.
1. It is possible to find a partner (Trust me, if my selfish, dumb butt could do it, SO CAN YOU!)
2. If you have a partner, maybe things are getting a bit predictable...If so, Plan A DATE FOR YOUR PARTNER, Next, write your partner a love letter.
Why are you doing this?
1. Planning a date takes effort. Effort shows you care.
2. A Love letter forces you to look inside yourself, figure out why you care about your partner, and the words on a written page is a proclamation and documentation of your affection (Your partner will love this) It doesn't matter if you are a terrible writer, he/she will be crazy about it. (Shoot, I am a horrible writer and for some reason thousands of people read my blog) The partner that ADORES YOU, will appreciate any attempt at a love letter.
3. The Love Letter also takes effort. Once again, effort still shows to your partner that you care. Caring for your partner is good! :)
Now, I know this wasn't one of my most profound articles. However, sometimes I think we all need a little hope. I am hoping that this article makes you realize that if this horrible writer, reality TV show loving guy can find someone so can you!
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Brian rolls into his plush New York City midtown office at 8:30AM to start his work day. He takes a sip of coffee and opens up email. By 9AM he has caught up with email and is ready to start the day. WAIT! Tinder time.
Swipe Right, Swipe Right, Swipe Right, maybe an occasional Swipe Left for good measure. Match, match, soon to be match, and so on.
He slides into the matches section of tinder and has 13 new ladies he is yet to type to and three girls he is mid conversation with. By noon he has planned a date for Tuesday at 8PM, and a date for 7PM on Thursday followed by a date at 9PM Thursday (Two in One Night!). In case you are wondering, yes this does happen and yes this is more the norm than not happening, especially in the city that doesn't sleep, NYC.
The Data
Now, if Brian is averaging 3 dates per week. In one year he will go on about 156 dates. However, Brian has been single for three years. Thus, Brian has been on about 468 dates. WOAH! That is a lot of dates! Brian is a busy man.
If Brian has met 468 women, do you think it is possible that maybe, just maybe one of these women should have been a great match for him? Well... I hope so! However, for some reason Brian is still single. Now, Brian is not single by choice. He candidly does want a girlfriend, but just like EVERYONE ELSE, he does not want to feel like he is settling. Due to women always looking bigger and brighter from a far he keeps dating new girls and doesn't give good matches a fair shake.
The Findings
Unfortunately, or fortunately, countless psychology studies have proven that when the human brain has more than three options it becomes extremely difficult to make a decision. Thus, when you introduce online dating, everyone has access to countless dating options. All these options lead to indecision or what I like to call, "Could I do better syndrome?"
If you have, "could I do better syndrome?" you are going to knit pick everything about your potential partners. Well," he only makes six figures, I was really hoping for a guy that makes 250k plus. His face is shaven, I want a guy with a manly beard," and so on.
What YOU Should Do!
So I guess the million dollar question is, How Do You Keep a Guys Attention?
1. Be interested, not interesting on your date. This is key. People love to talk about themselves.
Ask him questions about anything you are genuinely interested about. Now here is the important part, make sure you hold eye contact and truly listen actively. Hang on what he is saying, assuming you are interested give him raw emotions that are vivid and easily seen on your facial expressions. If he feels you are excited about what is coming out of his mouth he will be much more excited to take the positive interested girl on a second date than some random girl who may be boring and potentially a poor conversationalist.
2. Keep Him Wondering Sexually - 90% of my women clients no matter what I say struggle with no sex until monogamy.
I don't fault them, I don't judge them, and frankly many times the guy sticks around anyway. But, the common denominator of when man stick around is simple. The sex always happens after he has already made up his mind that you are the girl for him.
I am a broken record on this but if he is talking about meeting family, friends, and booking future vacations he is certain of you.
If you are not 100% sure he has made up his mind about you, Please do not have sex yet. I am not saying this because I don't want you to experience pleasure but because men whether they want to admit it or not feel like kings of the world when they finally get laid from a girl that made them work for it.
Men want to feel like they did something no other man on the world could accomplish. (Obviously most of you have sex men before, but you want to portray to your man that you don't just give yourself to everyone)
His feeling of accomplishment coupled with good conversation, some mutual interests, and fun dates together should keep a man coming back for more.
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