Self-worth is an absolutely amazing and necessary thing to have. We should do what works for us because it works for us! We are empowered, strong and capable. However, we do want to be able to attract members of the opposite sex and be found desirable. So for the ladies, we are going to shoot for the sweet spot in a Venn diagram!
1. Be True to Who You Are
I first came across this in high school. There was a really smart girl, on the honor roll, national honor society, etc. But when you hung out with her, she did this ditzy, aloof blonde thing. I guess she figured that it’s what the boys wanted, but for me, it was a total turn off. DON’T try to be what you think the men want. For one, you’re likely to be wrong. And secondly, it’s not authentic and can be seen through. Someone out there wants you for who you are. The more you hide it and disseminate, the harder it is for them to find you. If they can’t handle you (within reason, obviously) then they aren’t the one you should be spending time on.
2. Show Interest but Make us Work
We all value what we earn more than what is given to us. So when we have to work for something, it automatically becomes more valuable. However, many men are gun-shy because of all of the rejections that add up. Even the most successful guy has more failures than successes. So you are absolutely encouraged to let the guy know that you like him and that he won’t be rejected. Coyly meeting his eyes, bold eye contact or even just walking up and talking to him all work. But don’t make it too easy on him! He must show that he’s willing to work for you! So after you talk to him for a bit, tell him that you’re going to go back and speak with your friends, but to come find you later. That way, he knows that he can approach you but he still has to work for your attention.
3. Tap Into Your Feminine Qualities/Energies
This one is tough sometimes for NYC women, especially the powerful ones. When I speak about this, many women get huffy and think that I mean, “Dim your star.” Not at all! In no way should you lessen yourself. However, there are masculine energies and feminine energies. The best people have a good mix of both. But for many of these powerful and awesome NYC-area women, they try and use what has worked for them professionally in their romantic lives and it just doesn’t translate well. For instance, aggressiveness, a strong handshake, competitiveness and cocky are masculine traits. These work great in the boardroom but not so much on a date. A man doesn’t want to date a business woman. He wants to date a woman that is also successful in business. It’s a small but vital shift. Instead, on dates, showcase your nurturing, sensitivity, compassion, eloquence and caring. These are the traits love in a woman and do not lessen you in any way. You’re just shifting away from you “business facet” into your “dating facet.” You’ll be amazed at the difference it makes in how the man views you!
About The Author:
Hunt Ethridge is a Dating and Relationship expert who has helped hundreds of men and women over the last decade. He is the founder of International Dating Coach Association and has written over 100 articles across all mediums on the subject of dating and love. You can find more of Hunt's advice at HuntForAdvice.com.
You’ve just met a guy. He’s interesting, funny, sarcastic and hot! Life is good. You exchange numbers and start texting each other. “So gr8 to meet U!” “U2!”
You hang out a few times and keep texting back and forth for a couple of weeks. Then the texts start to taper off and finally disappear. You sit there wondering, “Why did he stop texting me? Was it something I did?” While no one can ever know the full reasons, the easiest answer is “yes” and “no.”
First Possible Reason:
Men aren’t really communicators. We aren’t taught how to be expressive and to communicate and share the way women are. Some of it is nature and some of it is nurture. For instance, depending on the study you use, women use around 30,000 words/day whereas men us 10,000 words/day. Very rarely do men text back and forth with other men. If we do, it’s direct and exchanging information. So constant texting can start to get annoying for a guy. Here’s an example of a guy-to-guy text exchange:
“Happy hour?”
“Si! Oddfellow’s?”
“Done.”
So if you want to keep a text convo open and rolling, don’t look for long interactions.
Second Possible Reason:
Not enough of a bond built. If you met a guy at a party and got each other’s number and started texting, you’ve probably spent more time texting than you actually did in each other’s company. There wasn’t that much time to build a good connection. So while you are trying to do it by keeping in contact, the emotional pull for him to interact with you lessens to the point that the contact stops. If you want to keep the energy going, you’ve got to meet in person to raise the energy and emotional level and keep meeting. Men aren’t looking for pen pals.
Third Possible Reason:
Something or someone has supplanted you. Most people are talking to/hanging out with/seeing/hooking up with multiple people at the same time. You may be one of 5 girls he’s talking to as he’s probably not the only one you’re in contact with. Perhaps the relationship with one of them is getting stronger and he is cutting others loose. No guy is ever going to send a text that says, “Hey, got more serious with someone else so not going to be texting you anymore.” They will just disappear. And no, it’s not the best way, but it does happen.
Fourth Possible Reason:
You did/said something to annoy or offend him. Maybe you were playfully teasing him about his love for Ariana Grande. The problem is that over text, there is no tone, so he may have read it as you being derisive or dismissive. Or perhaps you mentioned that you’re a Bernie-girl and he is not. It could have been on the last date you showed too much attention and he felt smothered or exactly the opposite. Again, we’ll never know so don’t overanalyze or beat yourself up over something that you have no control over.
The Reason He Definitely Did NOT Stop Texting You:
He got busy. This is B.S. Everyone is busy. If a man really likes a woman, he will find time to text her. Even if he’s a neurosurgeon, he’ll find time in between patients to send a quick: “thinking of you!” If you haven’t heard from him in a week or more, don’t make mental excuses that he was busy.
About The Author
Hunt Ethridge is a Dating and Relationship expert who has helped hundreds of men and women over the last decade. He is the founder of International Dating Coach Association and has written over 100 articles across all mediums on the subject of dating and love. You can find more of Hunt's advice at HuntForAdvice.com.
In a previous post I discuss the massive need on how to make a man feel needed even when you don't need him. Well guess what, months later and this topic is still extremely important.
Men are going to gravitate towards you when you make them feel needed and appreciated after they satisfy your need.
Instead of trying to explain this I am just going to show you:
1. Instead of opening your own bottle of wine say, "Bob, will you use your big strong arms and open this wine bottle for me?" (Yes I am sure you have been opening wine all your life and yes, there is a good chance you are better than Bob at this. But if you don't make him feel needed, he won't want to be around you.)
Now, he opens the bottle of wine and pours you a glass.
"Thank you so much," you say with jubilation. Bob feels great about himself. Nice Job!
Or, you could open the bottle and pour the wine yourself. Bob, feels either nothing, or a tiny bit emasculated. Better to look to your feminine side and ask Bob for help. He will get the testosterone boost by solving your problem, and you will get the oxytocin boost by being thought about, cared about, and provided for.
You may think this whole thing is silly and a waste of time. But trust me, if something is this easy and can make a man so happy why wouldn't you do it?
Advanced
2. What if you told him, "Bob I need to tell you about a problem I am having at work. I just want you to listen for ten minutes and I DON'T want you to solve the problem. If you are willing to listen I will feel so much better."
What your guy hears?
"All I need to do is listen, no thinking, no solving, and after 10 minutes she is going to feel better and thank me? Sign me up! This sounds easy."
If you don't tell your guy an end time, an end result, he is going to feel like he is NOT helping you in your conversation. He will feel like he is not needed because he is not helping you. A man not needed will eventually become disheartened and look for someone that does need him.
What did we learn?
Ask for help, receive it, and appreciate your guy for it. When this happens you get taken care of, made to feel special, he feels needed and appreciated. Boom! Happy and healthy relationship.
