We are dealing with an epidemic in today's world. The epidemic is effecting both men and women. The epidemic has positive aspects but also has some negative aspects. Let's talk about this epidemic. The epidemic is that women have entered the work force and they are kicking butt. This is great because, smart women helping companies, means more profit and better products. But this is bad because women are often asked to act like men while at work. This process can be exhausting. Women come home and they are tired and sometimes have a difficult time of transitioning back into their normal state of acting like a female.
So what happens when a woman acts like a man? The woman is fiercely independent, does everything herself, but lacks receiving support. When a woman doesn't receive support, she doesn't feel whole.
What happens to men when women are super independent. They no longer feel needed. Let's dive into this. Back in the day, men used to hunt, slay dragons, and other manly things that involved protecting their women. Now, men don't get to slay dragons and thus need to find new ways to protect. One hundred years ago, men were typically the only income provider and thus felt satisfaction in bringing home the bacon. However, now women are also working and they no longer get to feel needed in regards to providing financial security.
So what does all this mean?
1. Gender lines are being blurred at home and at work and both sexes are confused
2. Women are exhausted
3. Men don't feel as useful as they used to
How do we fix these problems?
Before we solve the problem. Let's define the three types of confident woman. Best described in this video:
Three Types of Confident Women:
1. I Can't Do Anything Woman - Lacks Confidence
2. I Can Do Everything Woman or Anything He Can Do, I Can Do Better - Remember the Mia Hamm vs. Michael Jordan commercials? This woman is super woman and literally can and will do everything. This could be the single mom, this could be the single woman with the big career, fancy car and house, and amazing family.
3. I Can Do Everything But I Ask For Help Too - This woman is enlightened, smart, and truly gets it. This woman realizes we have an epidemic. She realizes that when she does everything herself she will be exhausted. But, instead when she asks a man for help, she gets two birds with one stone. She gets her man to feel needed and she alleviates her own stress of having to do everything. She feels supported.
So back to how do we fix the epidemic?
Simple. Women need to get comfortable asking for help. They need to ask for help, not because they need it, but because men need it and quite frankly wouldn't it be awesome to have your guy help you with things?
Let's talk examples so you can start executing immediately.
Let's say you go grab a coffee with your guy but you forgot to get sugar. I can do everything woman would just go get herself. But, I ask for help too woman would say, "would you mind getting me two packs of sugar."
Guy feels needed and says, "sure."
He comes back and you say, "Thank you so much, you are so great at taking care of me."
GUY FEELS LIKE A MILLION BUCKS AND ACTUALLY SUCCESSFUL AT BEING A
BOYFRIEND. (Man's largest insecurity is always being a crappy boyfriend)
If you are consistently telling him he is doing a good job that is the equivalent of him telling you, "wow you look amazing in those jeans."
To recap, if you really want to take strength and confidence to the next level, it is not doing everything yourself. It is getting your man to do things for you even though you are more than capable of doing it yourself.
When you live with a partner, you see them every day. You can choose to communicate with each other at almost any time. If you are unsure of something, or something is bothering you, you simply ask your partner and talk it through.
However, if you are in the single world then none of this is quite possible just yet. When you are dating someone new you may see that person once per week or even less. Also, you are probably not talking every day. Because of the amount of communication in new relationships and the fact that you don't know each other well yet there can be lots of confusion in regards to intentions, life goals, and overall compatibility.
So since we can't bundle 2-3 years of dating/communicating with each other into some magic potion I did build a system that is quite accurate at telling you if your guy is serious about you.
Ready to see the system?
Learn It In This Video:
Here Are The 4 Signs He Actually Likes you and Won't Disappear
1. He Makes Future Plans With You - Imagine if it is January and together you book a vacation to Costa Rica in June. He wouldn't book this vacation, put his money at risk unless he was sure that he wanted to still be dating you by June.
2. He Introduces you to Friends and Family - If he is bringing you home to meet mom and dad. He is serious about you. If his mom is anything like mine, even a small whiff of a girl in my life means at least 45 minutes of questions. Thus, I never bring up a woman unless I am serious about that woman. I bet your guy practicing the same principle, unless he is a momma's boy, which is a whole other story.
Now, imagine if he is taking you home to meet family? You are in! High five.
3. He Does things with or for you that he doesn't want to do - If on Saturday, instead of relaxing he is going with you to Macy's to shop, which is most likely not his favorite activity then he is doing this because he wants to make you happy. If he sacrifices his own happiness for yours, you better believe he is doing this because he sees a future with you. Of course, he needs to decide to do these things, on his own, if you force him, he is going to disappear. It might not happen this week, or month, but I promise eventually he is going to be gone.
In order to cover all my bases. How do you invite him to activities? Say this:
"You would make me the happiest woman in the world if you would come to Macy's with me on Saturday." Now you allow him to respond. If he says, "yes." You say, "thank you so much, you are best!"
Finally, on Saturday make sure to thank him and maybe even tell him, "wow, you are such an amazing guy. I can't believe how sweet you are to come shopping with me on your Saturday. Thank you so much."
Side note: If you give me the praise stated above, I might go to Macy's with you ever Saturday. Men LOVE when their woman is happy. The Happy wife, Happy Life mantra is alive and well.
Finally, make sure to ask for what you want. Men are not mindreaders but actually LOVE when you give them a roadmap to your happiness. (We hate guessing what you want to do.)
4. He Takes You On 5 Plus Dates Without Get The Cookie - Let's over generalize but assume men are looking for sex and find love, while women are looking for love and find sex. In this case, the guy is looking for sex, doesn't receive it on date 1, 2, 3, and so on. Why does he keep asking you out? Well, around date 5 plus, most likely he found something special about you. He thinks there may be a future.
I put the number of dates at 5 because men may be willing to wait four dates to get laid. But, if a man is purely looking for sex, he most likely will give up before 5 dates. Reason being, there is most likely another woman out there who is willing to have sex with less effort. However, if he makes it to date 5 plus with you, he is intrigued and wants to keep exploring with you.
You now know the signs of a man that likes you. If your guy are doing these four things he is in it with you. Now just have a blast with him, get to know him, and figure out if he is someone you want to spend the rest of your life with.
I am going to simplify and generalize so we can understand a point that holds true for "most" men and women. Please understand, of course there are outliers. Men are looking for sex and find love. Women are looking for love and find sex. Somewhere in the middle of these two paradigms men and women join forces to have sex and be in love. In the following video I am going to walk you through How Men Fall In Love and unmask how two red flags may not be red flags.
Here is the video:
Here are the Two Red Flags:
1. Men Wanting Sex Is NOT A Red Flag - No, No, No! It isn't. Men wanting to have sex with you is a good thing. It is simply telling you that he has some level of attraction to you. It is not saying he wants to get married or even wants a relationship. It is simply telling you that he finds you pretty.
Now, how will you use this to your advantage?
If he is trying to have sex with you, tell him, "I am so flattered! However, I don't jump into bed until 1. I get to know you better and 2. we are in an exclusive relationship. Are you okay with that?" If he says yes, ask him a question about something you are interested in. Assuming he is able to get back to getting to know each other and continues to ask you on future dates you may be in good shape with this guy.
Bottom line, if a guy asks you out for 5 plus dates, over 97.5% of time he is interested in more than just sex. Men that are just looking for sex, WILL NOT SPEND THE TIME AND MONEY TO TAKE YOU OUT 6 TIMES. The guy who wants sex will find someone that takes less work.
If I told you that you could make 1 million dollars per year working one hour per week or working 40 hours per week, which would you do? Of course you would work one hour per week. Well, this analogy is no different. The guy wants less than 5 dates for sex as opposed to 6 dates or more for sex. However, if he realizes you are fantastic and worth getting to know better, well 6+ dates is worth the effort.
2. Men Asking You To Be Monogamous on Date 2 is NOT a Red Flag - As a dating coach, nothing drives me crazier when I hear a client complaining that a guy asked to be exclusive too early with her. My response is typically, "Are you nuts? I am so sorry that a man likes you so much that he wants to date you and nobody else. That sounds so terrible for you!"
Yes, I will validate that asking a woman to be exclusive on date 2 is way too early. Both parties barely know each other. However, if you boil it down, the man is saying, "Hey, I really like you and want to focus on just you. I want to get to know you better and don't need other women around to distract me." This is a huge compliment and should be taken as such.
However, since you barely know each other I would suggest being honest with him. Honestly tell him, "You are so sweet! I like you too. However, I don't feel like we truly know each other yet. How about we got on some more dates, continue to get to know each other and if you still feel the same way down the road we can re-visit this issue?"
Boom! How simple was that? Now, you can keep dating him and other men if you so choose. If both of you truly like each other after 5+ dates then both of you can revisit the exclusivity issue.
So I just re-read this and I am not entirely sure I answered the question at hand. How Do Men Fall In Love?
So let's fix that immediately. Each man is looking for 5 qualities that he finds important. Each man has different qualities he is interested in. On date one or two ask, "What qualities are you looking for in your next relationship?"
If he explicitly says he needs someone who loves to workout and you are huge cross fit person than that is a good sign. However, if he wants something you don't have, perhaps this question may save both of you the same time. On the flip side, hopefully you get to share with him what you want. I find this question does a few things. 1. It allows you to get past surface level questions and truly get to know each other and 2. It allows you to save time and figure out if the person is right for you. Most importantly sharing your top 5 and using this system allows you to evaluate potential partners on compatibility instead of muddying the water by using chemistry to pick your partner.
Chemistry is a wonderful thing, but it can also be the cause of keeping very incompatible people together. Fortunately, you are smart and know to find a man based on your perfect man list instead of chemistry.
Wondering how to build your perfect man list? GO HERE to learn. Spoiler alert. It is only two steps and takes under 15 minutes to create. Even though it is so easy to make, you will literally use this list all the time. After every single first date you will review your list to determine if the guy makes the cut for a 2nd date. What are you still reading for? Go Build your list with the directions from HERE.
