Imagine yourself newly dating a really great guy--the type of guy who makes your heart skip a beat! The guy who meets all the criteria on your checklist and more.
The guy who has been taking you out to fabulous dinners, texting you daily, and sending flowers to your office. You can't wait to bring him home to mom and dad--until you realize you are going to have to wait! Because after stalking his Facebook page, you see the writing on the wall: He is dating other people! Horrified, you consider blocking him for good but instead send him a screenshot of the "evidence". (Caption. "WTF?? *Sigh* *Sad Face*)
You are hoping for some kind of explanation. Is this a joke? Did someone hack his account? Nope! When you ask him to spill it, he apologizes and accuses you of being "crazy". Mostly, you get the response from a man who thinks he did no wrong. "It's not like we are exclusive", he says. He's right. Sadly, he can date whoever he wants-whenever he wants-because the two or you never became an official couple. Sorry, girlfriend, you have broken the cardinal rule of dating: You can not assume you are exclusive unless a guy tells you they he wants to be exclusive with you.
Note: Unless he clearly states that he wants to be in a committed, monogamous relationship with you, assume that there's a good chance he's still seeing other women--as in talking to, dating, and sleeping with. One thing is for sure: If a man really wants to be in a serious relationship with you , he wants to lock it down. He wants to know that he's investing his time, energy, and money into a woman who is investing her own in him and him only. He doesn't want to compete for your affection anymore. He wants you to be his girlfriend. He wants to shout it from the rooftops or, umm, at least on social media. Ideally, you wouldn't have to ask him if he wants to be exclusive. Ideally, he'd leave no doubt in your mine. But even some good relationship-oriented guys are imperfect, afraid of rejection, and could use a little nudge. If this sounds like the guy you are dating and you want to take things to the next level, tell him.
Let him know your feelings but don't assume that you are exclusive just because you told him you want to be. The only thing you have to go by is his word. The moment he tells you he wants to be exclusive is the moment you know you're exclusive. And then you can start looking at his actions. Because they really do speak louder than words!
Who Is Your Author?
Rachel Russo, MS, MFT is a Matchmaker, Dating & Relationship Coach, Author & Speaker. She has a master’s degree in Marriage & Family Therapy from Iona College, a BA in Psychology from Rutgers University, and a certification as an Intentional Relationship Coach. Rachel is the founder of Rachel Russo Relationships-a NYC-based dating and relationship consultancy-and has worked as a matchmaker for eleven years. Rachel is the author of two books: A Fab Job Guide To Become A Matchmaker and How To Get Over Your Ex: A Step By Step Guide To Mend A Broken Heart Italian American Style. Rachel has pretty much earned her PhD in men—many thanks to a reality-date-a-thon in which she went on ninety-two dates in one year and blogged about them. For more dating and relationship advice, check out www.RachelRusso.com
Ah, the honeymoon!
When it comes to dating, we generally regard the early stages of seeing someone to be a time of relational bliss. It is the period of a relationship that is, at best, defined by lust, infatuation, and, of course, many exciting firsts. At worst, its the "good old days" a couple looks back on as the time before everything went.....downhill.
If you are looking to be in a healthy, happy, and sustainable relationship, there are things that you should look for as norms. In other words, if you and your partner are experiencing the following, you are probably on the right track......
Best Behavior: In the beginning, "normal" relationships consist of two imperfect people on their best, most perfect behavior. This is a time of chivalry, good manners, proper dating etiquette-think dates planned far in advance- and a sweeping any potential problems under the rug.
The dates within the first few months are generally more of the four or five star restaurant variety and less Chipotle and Netflix on the couch. Its a time in which both parties make an effort to look their best. Legs are shaved; sweats are left in the drawer. There are calls just to say "hi" and daily good morning texts.
Whether you have you partner on a pedestal as someone who could do no wrong or are just enjoying the fact that you haven't seen any "red flags" yet. you are thrilled at how well everything is going.
Sexual Attraction: At the start of a relationship that is going somewhere, you can't get enough of each other! There is such a sexual energy in the air! You are so physically attracted to each other. You feel a spark,butterflies, and the greatest excitement over, say, just brushing up against him or her. For some, the chemistry is so strong that they can barely keep their hands off each other. That's right: You feel like you are making out all over town, because you are! And if you are holding off on sleeping with each other, your hormones can make you feel like you are going crazy.
You should be crazy for each other. Its all so new and exciting; the early days are definitely the time to feel the sexual attraction. Sure, attraction can develop in time, but for most couples who keep that flame burning for decades and decades, the spark was there early on.
Want the honeymoon to last forever? For some couples, it can! For more dating and relationship advice, check out www.RachelRusso.com
Rachel Russo, MS, MFT is a Matchmaker, Dating & Relationship Coach, Author & Speaker. She has a master’s degree in Marriage & Family Therapy from Iona College, a BA in Psychology from Rutgers University, and a certification as an Intentional Relationship Coach. Rachel is the founder of Rachel Russo Relationships-a NYC-based dating and relationship consultancy-and has worked as a matchmaker for eleven years. Rachel is the author of two books: A Fab Job Guide To Become A Matchmaker and How To Get Over Your Ex: A Step By Step Guide To Mend A Broken Heart Italian American Style. Rachel has pretty much earned her PhD in men—many thanks to a reality-date-a-thon in which she went on ninety-two dates in one year and blogged about them.
I see thousands of first conversations. They happen when I am running speed dates or bringing clients out into the field or at networking events. Every day, millions of people are having a first conversation. For many people, this is something that they struggle with. Whether it’s some social anxiety, a natural inclination to introspectiveness or that you don’t know how best to showcase yourself, holding conversations can be difficult for some people. Now add to the fact that it’s someone that you’re interested in and your synapses and hormones are caroming everywhere. It can be a nerve-wracking affair! So here are some tips to help get that first conversation off to a roaring start!
1. Ask positive emotional questions
In order to stand out and create some great chemistry, avoid the normal, logical, “dating interview” questions like, “Where are you from,” “What do you do,” and “Where did you go to school.” We’ve all had to ask and answer those questions thousands of times. Boring! Instead, learn to ask them emotionally. This will make them remember happy moments, feel happy and intertwine you with their positive feelings.
Examples:
2. Have stories that illustrate your best qualities
There are masculine and feminine energies. Everyone should have a mix of both. Some examples of masculine traits/energies are: risk taking, assertiveness and competitiveness. A few samples of feminine traits/energies are: nurturing, sociability and empathy. You want to make sure that you showcase these characteristics as they are some of the things that men (unknowingly or not) are looking for. I am NOT saying to downplay any aspect of you, just to bring these energies to the forefront. And like anything, don’t list, describe. Instead of saying you’re compassionate, tell a story where your compassion takes center stage.
3. Compliment men correctly
We all like compliments! They make us feel good and show that we are notices and appreciated by others. However, men and women are built differently so it would make sense that we should complement each other differently. Many of the compliments that mean a lot to women are based around physicality and beauty. “That is a beautiful dress!” “You’re looking lovely tonight!” And while, yes, it’s nice to know that you like the color of our shirt, it doesn’t affect us the same way. As men, we like to feel that we are capable, virile and respected. Tell us that we are strong, congratulate us on how we handled a difficult situation, compliment our skill at the pool table. These things will puff us up and make us feel needed and appreciated. I know that you can carry that box up the stairs because you are a strong and capable woman. However, if you say, “I know you’re strong, would you mind carrying this for me?” you’ll immediately tap into what makes us men!
4. Understand the man’s mind
On average, a woman speaks 30,000 words a day while men only use 10,000. That doesn’t mean that we don’t communicate, it’s just that we don’t use words as much. So when I have my male clients, I suggest they up their word game and when I coach women, I recommend that they truncate themselves a bit. Going into excessive detail responding to, “How was your day,” is not what a man is looking for. Save the deep delving for your close girlfriends. Instead, try and mirror how he talks. If he responds to a question with 5-7 sentences, keep your responses to 5-7 sentences. That way, you’ll keep his interest and leave him wanting more!
About Author
Hunt Ethridge is a Dating and Relationship expert who has helped hundreds of men and women over the last decade. He is the founder of International Dating Coach Association and has written over 100 articles across all mediums on the subject of dating and love. You can find more of Hunt's advice at HuntForAdvice.com.
