Do you remember when Kobe Bryant cheated on his wife with some 19 year old girl? He was accused of rape, was later found innocent, but was definitely guilty of adultery. Obviously, his wife, and mother of their 6 year old daughter was furious. In order to apologize, Kobe's grand gesture was a 4 million dollar diamond ring. The wife ended up staying with Kobe Bryant.
However, there is a lot more to grand gestures than meets the eye.
I believe in a given year, men and women are both looking for their love interest to accrue 100 points. But, men and women keep score 100% differently than each other.
Women will tally gestures 1 point at a time.
Men will tally gestures anywhere from 1 -20 points at a time.
Thus, when Kobe gave his wife a 4M dollar diamond he only earned 1 point. But, when his wife stayed with him after such a horrible event, I bet she earned 20 points. She had just proved to her man she is not going anywhere and she was going to fight for their family. I am sure this must have meant a lot to Kobe.
Now, how to apply this to your life?
LADIES - Find out what is truly important to your men. If possible find out how you can help him on that matter.
For example, it is really important that I eat healthy throughout the week. I told this to my GF and she came over on a Sunday to help me cook healthy meals for the entire week. (She earned 7 Points for that!)
MEN - What should you do? Little gestures often and consistently. Never Give up.
Your lady wants to know that you care about her. Whether it be a nice text message, little note on her pillow, flowers, chocolates, or after she has a bad interview, words of encouragement. If you really want to be effective, I would suggest learning what your woman's love languages are. Once you know how she wants to be loved you can make sure your gestures are meaningful to her.
When you are upset and love someone, emotions are high and it can be very difficult to have a calm rational discussion. For most of us, logic goes out the window, defenses kick in and listening, understanding, and real solutions rarely take place.
In my opinion, once the train is off the tracks it is very difficult to re-rail it. Unfortunately, you just need to let the crash happen and then pick up the pieces after. However, many of these train collisions can be easily avoided.
Here are the steps:
1. Disregard Fights on Topics That Are Not Important - Life is too short, Enjoy each other
2. If you must Fight, If the topic is Not Important, Even if you know you are right, tell the other person they are right and let them "win"
3. Discuss Plans to Avoid Fights (Perform this When Happy With Each Other)
For example: When I get mad, I need to be far away from the person and when I am ready to chat with that person, my emotions will be back at normal levels and I will be able to have a loving conversation. Thus, if I notice I am getting mad, I will tell my gf, "I love you, I am getting upset, I am going to head to the gym and once I cool down we can discuss this"
If I told her this in the midst of an argument, she would probably not be happy that I was leaving while she wants to talk. Fortunately, we have discussed prior to our fight that I am not capable of being her loving, caring, active listening boyfriend when I am mad. Thus, she knows it is best for both of us if she waits to have our hard conversations when I am more open to truly listening to her.
Another example of a fight I have had is the following: My girlfriend hates when I look at my phone during our quality time together. I totally agree with her that my behavior is annoying but unfortunately it is a habit at this point. But, together we came up with a solution.
If she is really getting bothered by it, she is going to ask me to have the 10 foot rule. This means I put my phone 10 feet away and thus will only go get it if I truly need it for something, not to google why glue doesn't stick inside the container.
On her side, if she sees me using my phone, she will occasionally pick hers up and read articles. These two solution for the phone are new so I will keep you posted if they work.
In order to reiterate, attempt to have serious discussions only when both parties are in the right mental state to have the discussion, avoid fighting on minute topics, and finally if a fight happens on an inconsequential topic let the other person "win".
The first step to finding a person to love is loving yourself. The key to that, in my opinion, revolves around being happy most of the time and finding balance between the 6 major pillars of Happiness.
6 Pillars of Happiness
Why do you need balance?
A person with balance always has multiple pillars to lean on when one isn't doing well. Of course some pillars are more important than others. But as long as you have balance in your life, you will be able to positively look to a different pillar when another one is imploding.
How does this relate to finding love?
Men are attracted to women who have it together. When a man sees a woman who is educated, healthy, has an active social life, is spiritually in tune with the world and has a good career, he will fall all over himself to pursue her.
I know at times we can all be pulled towards one pillar or another and focus solely on that. But try to maintain balance in 2016. It will make you happier, help you love yourself and in turn make others more attracted to you.
