Who is John Gray?
Author of Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, #1 best selling non-fiction author of all time and the leading expert on relationships.
What is this video about?
Men pull away more when they are in love.
Men need 10 to 30 times more testosterone than women.
Women need 10 times more estrogen than men.
Your Man pulls away to get balance. It is an opportunity for him to replenish his testosterone levels. It is perfectly normal for your guy after a long weekend together to disappear for awhile. He will look to accomplish things at work, solve problems, or participate in activities away from you. This is done in order to replenish his testosterone levels.
What Should You Do When He Disappears?
You should go spend time with your girlfriends, go to brunch, go shopping, go do anything that is fun for you that has nothing to do with him. Once your man has refilled his testosterone he will return. The less you reach out to him during this period of him being in his "man cave" the quicker and more excited he will be to return.
If you do feel the need to reach out to him, send him a picture of you having fun with your girlfriends. If he knows that you are accepting of him pulling away and are still happy with him he will feel a lot more comfortable to come back to you. Not to mention, he will want to take credit for some of your happiness. ;)
Let’s really get real here, my love seeking friends. Most of us are not just looking for someone to have a few dinners or frolics between the sheets with. Most of us are looking for a love partner with staying power and a lifetime mate. So, with that end goal in mind, let’s reverse engineer a successful relationship: ME + ME = WE. Two separate “MEs” must merge, turn upside down, and morph into a “WE”. This is easier said than done. Why? Because attraction is often driven by the more superficial stuff like professional success, sex appeal, good pedigree, etc. The standout resume is great but the important stuff lies way beneath the surface. For instance, can the individual that you are dating ever freely give a gift or do a favor for you without feeling resentful? Does this person ever say something like “I want today, or this weekend, to be about you” and back it up with something concrete like buying tickets to an event that you want to attend (that he or she would never purchase otherwise)? Can he or she surprise you with something special—just because—with no hidden agenda?
It’s about the two way street, baby. Give. Take. Take. Give. If the seesaw doesn’t alternate between up and down then no one is having a lot of fun in the dating playground. Smart daters have to learn to identify and vet those that just Take, Take, Take because these people may be fun for a little while, but they are not capable of sustaining a healthy relationship for the long haul. A long-term partnership or marriage is very challenging, even for the most loving individuals, because sometimes you have to put your own needs aside and be entirely selfless. Not all of the time, but some of the time. It’s a mission that is not for the faint of heart. In fact, probably half of the people getting married today don’t even have a clue that this is part of the commitment job description. No wonder so many of us are getting fired (divorced)!
As The DateMeister®, I tell people seeking success in love to try and identify (as early as possible in a relationship) those people who, somewhere along the line, got the dysfunctional message that Love is a zero sum game. These disordered individuals feel that if they give something of value to someone else, that there is less for them. One of the most important red flags indicating this is how they really feel about spending money on you and other important people in their lives. My most recent ex seemed to resent having to work although he owned his own business and called his own shots and made a nice living. He would get annoyed if there were any unexpected expenses having to do with seeing me or taking care of his daughter. Very directly I told him that girlfriends and daughters cost money and that that is part of life. I saw signs of this much earlier in the relationship and I never should have let it get to the point where I even had to hear him complain. But, unfortunately, many of us who want love very much make excuses for the people that we are dating like “She’s having a bad day” or “He lost a lot of money to his divorce”. If you want to find the real deal—the one with sticking power—you have to be willing to buy a one way ticket to the “No Excuse Zone” because, perhaps, the biggest red flags of all are the little voices inside our own heads saying: “It’s OK because. . .”.
About Your Author
Mary Reilly is a Purposepreneur and Dating Expert & Coach (The DateMeister (www.thedatemeister.com), @DateMeister). She hosts unique singles events and has partnered with Flavor Catering for food-centric events in NYC and on the Jersey Shore. She is currently co-authoring a book (with Martin Kelly, Ph.D.) entitled “Date Defensively: How To Know When To Get Off At The Next Exit” and is also a copy writer. She has a BA in English (cum laude) from William Smith College, and a MBA in Marketing & Finance from Columbia Business School. Mary would like to prevent other women and men from ignoring the red flags that their date may be personality disordered and ending up heartbroken, abused, in an unhappy marriage, or divorced.
Self-worth is an absolutely amazing and necessary thing to have. We should do what works for us because it works for us! We are empowered, strong and capable. However, we do want to be able to attract members of the opposite sex and be found desirable. So for the ladies, we are going to shoot for the sweet spot in a Venn diagram!
1. Be True to Who You Are
I first came across this in high school. There was a really smart girl, on the honor roll, national honor society, etc. But when you hung out with her, she did this ditzy, aloof blonde thing. I guess she figured that it’s what the boys wanted, but for me, it was a total turn off. DON’T try to be what you think the men want. For one, you’re likely to be wrong. And secondly, it’s not authentic and can be seen through. Someone out there wants you for who you are. The more you hide it and disseminate, the harder it is for them to find you. If they can’t handle you (within reason, obviously) then they aren’t the one you should be spending time on.
2. Show Interest but Make us Work
We all value what we earn more than what is given to us. So when we have to work for something, it automatically becomes more valuable. However, many men are gun-shy because of all of the rejections that add up. Even the most successful guy has more failures than successes. So you are absolutely encouraged to let the guy know that you like him and that he won’t be rejected. Coyly meeting his eyes, bold eye contact or even just walking up and talking to him all work. But don’t make it too easy on him! He must show that he’s willing to work for you! So after you talk to him for a bit, tell him that you’re going to go back and speak with your friends, but to come find you later. That way, he knows that he can approach you but he still has to work for your attention.
3. Tap Into Your Feminine Qualities/Energies
This one is tough sometimes for NYC women, especially the powerful ones. When I speak about this, many women get huffy and think that I mean, “Dim your star.” Not at all! In no way should you lessen yourself. However, there are masculine energies and feminine energies. The best people have a good mix of both. But for many of these powerful and awesome NYC-area women, they try and use what has worked for them professionally in their romantic lives and it just doesn’t translate well. For instance, aggressiveness, a strong handshake, competitiveness and cocky are masculine traits. These work great in the boardroom but not so much on a date. A man doesn’t want to date a business woman. He wants to date a woman that is also successful in business. It’s a small but vital shift. Instead, on dates, showcase your nurturing, sensitivity, compassion, eloquence and caring. These are the traits love in a woman and do not lessen you in any way. You’re just shifting away from you “business facet” into your “dating facet.” You’ll be amazed at the difference it makes in how the man views you!
About The Author:
Hunt Ethridge is a Dating and Relationship expert who has helped hundreds of men and women over the last decade. He is the founder of International Dating Coach Association and has written over 100 articles across all mediums on the subject of dating and love. You can find more of Hunt's advice at HuntForAdvice.com.
