Different people speak different languages when it comes to love. The key is understanding what languages your partner speaks, then fulfilling them the right way.
My girlfriend, for example, wants to spend time with me while I just want her to tell me she loves me. Between dates at the beginning of our relationship I would constantly tell her how amazing she is and that I was crazy about her. Although she appreciated the words, it was more meaningful to her if I went into NYC on a Wednesday night for couples BYOB painting class. (Great date by the way!)
The point is, every person has different preferences when it comes to showing and receiving love. Below are 5 love languages discussed in a book I read by Gary Chapman to help you determine what your 2 primary languages are.
1. Words of Affirmation
Encouragement - friends says "I want to lose weight." You say, "If you decide to do it I know you will succeed because you are the kind of person who accomplishes goals."
Praise - "you did an excellent job"
Kind Words - what we say and manner in which we say it. Ex: "I love you vs. I love you?" People interpret our message by our tone of voice, not the words we use.
2. Physical Touch - Self explanatory
3. Quality Time
Sympathetic Listener -
Do: maintain eye contact, ask questions,
Don't: provide solutions, roll eyes, take person's topic and talk about how it relates to you
Express Understanding - "I can see how you would feel that way. If I were in your shoes, I'm sure I would feel the same way"
Ask If you could do anything helpful
4. Acts of Service
Do these things because you want to, not because you’re forced
5. Gifts
If you are a saver and your partner is a spender. You must spend as an investment in your love for her.
Next Steps:
I would suggest implementing the love languages by first determining what your parent’s are. Once you determine that, you can attempt to speak their language and see how it affects your relationship with them.
For example, if your father is words of affirmation, thank him for being an amazing dad the next time you speak to him and see how he reacts to your compliment.
Moving forward, I would suggest in all relationships (business, personal, or love) figure out what language the person speaks and attempt to fulfill those needs. In return watch all your relationships blossom.
If you’ve recently been on a first date, odds are you’ve already made a decision on whether or not to go out on a second one. This makes sense. First impressions are vital after all.
But before you reject or accept the next person based solely on your gut instinct, consider focusing on exactly what you need/want in a life partner. Here’s a great three-step system I use with my clients to help them to decide who gets a second date and who doesn’t.
Step 1. Build a list of anything and everything you want in a partner. Go wild. This list should be 20 items or more. Examples include: Good looking, great communicator, positive attitude, trust worthy, passionate about work, sense of humor, caring, thoughtful, loves animals, family oriented, etc.
Step 2. Cross out any quality you do NOT possess.
Step 3. Rank the remaining qualities based on importance from 1-5.
After your next first date, check the list. If your date has the 5 qualities you care about most, go on a second date. If they don’t, move onto the next suitor.
There’s a lot more that goes into this process than that. But the point of system is to ensure you date based on the characteristics you need in your life partner—IE your non-negotiables.
The list is also fluid and editable. If you’re dating someone and realize there’s a must-have quality not on the list, add it and remove the least needed quality.
This will help ensure you’re dating the right people for the right reasons and not wasting your time on someone who won’t make you happy long term.
