- Crista Caruso
- Jul 3, 2018
- 3 min read
Many women find themselves relying too heavily on their partners for their happiness. In "Why Mars and Venus Collide", John Gray explains that 90% of a woman's happiness needs to come from herself and the remaining 10% should come from her partner. This is called "The 90/10 Rule". Think of it like this: Your life is your main course and your man is your dessert! Dessert is a part of your meal, some might even say it's one of the best parts, but you need your main course to nourish and sustain you.
Check out this video for more insights on this topic, straight from John Gray himself!
One of EZ Dating Coach, Mike's, friends recently reached out to him in a panic. She was worried that she was pushing her boyfriend away by being too clingy. She felt like she needed to be with him all day, every day. Her happiness completely depended upon him and she felt lost without him whenever they were apart. She feared that she was smothering him and making him crazy. She was also troubled by the thought that she couldn't be happy if he wasn't near. She had always considered herself to be a very independent, self-reliant woman. Why was she feeling this way? Why was she acting this way?
Mike explained to his friend that if all of your happiness completely relies upon your partner, it's only a matter of time before you cross the line into stage 5 clinger territory! If you think that the only way for you to be happy is for you to be with your man, of course you are going to hold on for dear life. This is a very common issue and it is very unhealthy for you or your relationship.
There needs to be space in a relationship for you both to grow. You will grow separately as people and you will grow together as a couple. You will feel fulfilled, not just in your relationship, but in your own life, too. It will also benefit you by allowing your independence and strength to shine. These attractive qualities will also strengthen your relationship with your man. Mike taught his friend the 90/10 Rule and things have been great with her and her relationship ever since!
So, how does the 90/10 Rule work? You need to find balance and happiness within yourself. Do things that make you happy. Spend time with friends or enjoy some time working on a project or hobby. You won't just strengthen your bonds with your friends, you will strengthen your knowledge of who you are and what you need.
Now that you know what you need, you have to listen to these needs. You have to take care of yourself and you have to treat yourself. Many people are afraid of being alone. Once you realize that being alone doesn't have to feel lonely, you will allow yourself to enjoy the peace that only alone time can bring. It gives you a chance to relax and decompress. Give the 90/10 Rule a try and learn to rely on yourself for the majority of your happiness. You will notice benefits all around!
Wondering if you would be a good fit for coaching with EZ Dating Coach? Book A complimentary 15 minute strategy session HERE and find out. Let's get you a high quality man that will be yours forever.
- Crista Caruso
- Jun 21, 2018
- 2 min read
Has this ever happened to you?... You're in a relationship and everything is going great and then BOOM!... He disappears! This is a very common issue. So many women are left baffled when their boyfriend suddenly becomes distant. Do you want to know something else that these women have in common? They all blame themselves or feel anger and frustration toward their boyfriends.
"What did I do wrong?"
"Why is he acting like this?"
"Does he not care about me at all?"
In a panic, they reach out for answers but it only seems to push him further and further away. One of EZ Dating Coach, Mike Goldstein's, friend experienced the same thing. She and her boyfriend have been together for a long time and they were as happy as could be. Suddenly, out of nowhere, her boyfriend disappeared! Worried that something was wrong, she reached out to make sure that he was OK. He remained distant and only seemed to pull away more. That made her worried that she did something wrong. It turned out that it had nothing to do with her. He was stressed out at work and just needed a little space. The issue was solved when Mike helped her to realize that all that she had to do was give her boyfriend the space that he needed.
Men will often detach as a way to try to manage stress. This can feel like a shock to their partner, often leaving them wondering what went wrong. Of course, the first thing you should do is reach out and make sure that everything is OK. Any further questions after that might feel overwhelming to the man who is just trying to relax. Questions that come from a place of genuine love and concern can be seen as naggy and irritating. This may cause frustration, creating a larger problem in the end.
So, what can you do when your man disappears? Reaffirm that you are there for him if he needs you and then give him space. Use this time to connect with other things that make you happy. Everyone deals with stress in their own way. It may feel strange because it is different from the way that you handle stress but try to remember that his being distant has nothing to do with you or your relationship. Give him time and space to work through everything or decompress.
Want to learn more? John Gray, the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus", shares his insights on this topic and delves into how these issues have evolved throughout history in the video below:
Wondering if you would be a good fit for coaching with EZ Dating Coach? Book A complimentary 15 minute strategy session HERE and find out. Let's get you a high quality man that will be yours forever.
- Crista Caruso
- Jun 20, 2018
- 2 min read
It is natural for you to feel a bit of uncertainty when it comes to your relationship. Maybe you've been hurt before or maybe it just doesn't feel like a fairytale romance that is portrayed in the movies. Whatever the reason, before long, these doubts leave you asking yourself, "How do I know that he's the right guy for me?"
You start to worry that if you are having doubts, that must mean that he isn't the one. If he is your soul mate, shouldn't you just know? Shouldn't everything be perfect?
In response to these thoughts and fears, we can have a number of different reactions. These reactions are completely normal and very common but they will often cause more issues in the relationship. Women might rush into a commitment to help rid themselves of all of the uncertainty. Rushing into a commitment before you're ready can lead to disaster. It might feel instinctual to hold tightly onto something so you won't lose it but this can often have the opposite effect.
Men, on the other hand, tend to pull away in response to these feelings. When women see men pulling away for them, they often times will panic or blame themselves. This can lead to them beating themselves up and obsessing over all of the details. Often worried that they did something wrong, they will reach out to the man to try to figure out what happened. These insecurities can be read as neediness by the man, and BANG! ...They pull away even more.
We all have insecurities in many areas of our lives and relationships are no exception! It is important to try to worry less and trust more. DON'T PANIC! Trust your heart.
Another important thing to remember is that life isn't a movie. You aren't going to run into his arms in slow motion. There isn't going to be a montage of perfect little moments. He isn't going to speak to you in poetry that makes your heart soar. The only thing that is guaranteed in love is that it isn't going to be perfect. But that's what love is... Sometimes, it's saying and doing the wrong thing and sometimes it's messy. Love is perfectly imperfect and the right one for you will be there with you through it all.
Maybe you'll have an aha moment or maybe it will be a collection of moments that show you what you need to know. When you look to the future, you can't picture it without him. That's how you know your guys is the right guy for you.
Want to learn more about this topic? Watch this video for great insights from John Gray, author of "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus":
Wondering if you would be a good fit for coaching with me? Book A complimentary 15 minute strategy session with me HERE and find out. Let's get you a high quality man that will be yours forever.
